Navy Twife

TwiCon Picture Bonanza!

2011-02-02T13:09:00.018-05:00

Let's just jump right in, shall we?

Naturally, I brought both MiniE and SME with me to the hotel. They got comfy on the bed as soon as we got there.

SME checked for psycho killers under the bed. So sweet!

I wasn't going to share this picture, but then I noticed the lotion in the corner... I wonder what they were going to do on that bed... like I've said, it's not gay since they're the same person...

We went swimming and I took along SME. MiniE wanted to come, but I didn't want to chance it with his cast. Also, the pool was filled with 5th graders. It was somewhat frightening.

Me and Kylecob. Oh, and everyone else. :o)

Haley, Jacobward, Hillybella, Dorothy, Kylecob and Me, Drewsper, Hannalice, and Francie

And don't worry, I found out later that he's 21 (20 at that time, but still legal!)

Me and my new real-life friends! Haley and Francie!

Drewsper and Kylecob

*drool*

Kylecob: OMG, it's that crazy girl again taking my picture. Where's my damn shirt??

Drewsper and Hannalice and that one kid

This sign was soooo right!

Francie got a new Jasper doll and SME was so excited to hang out with him!

The end of one trivia contest. No shit, that little boy won. And he kindly gave the spot in the vampire court to his big sister. Lucky tampon junkie.

The Hillywood Show did these little skits before introducing the celebrities. Yeah, I totally paid attention to them!!

Peter! And his coffee!!

Someone else who knows how to fill out a pair of jeans.

"Oh, your questions was so witty and relevant!"

...

Sure it was...

Michael makes his entrance singing Blister in the Sun. And freaking the f out. Yes, these pictures are all very blurry because a)my camera sucks, and b)he did NOT stop moving!

Jammin' in his seat

Jammin' on the stage

Jammin' with this girl

Jammin' with that girl

He was really into this, rockin like it's his job

OMG, I was not the only one who brought their MiniE!

Peter arrived to judge the karaoke contest

The convention volunteers... That's Josh in my stilettos

Me and Michael. Yep, he totally knew I was there. Fail. But also, Win.

More jammin' out

Singing another song and, ya know, spazzin' out

Look! He stood still for a second! Notice that I've inched my way closer to him at this point...

There it is. Damn blurry pictures! I cannot wait to get Amber's pictures, especially since she told me she got close-ups just for me!

The karaoke crowd

Josh (of the stilettos) singing American Pie

The next day The Hillywood Show introduced more stuff. And the jorts were still there.

Hiya Edi! I think he's looking right at my tiny-ass camera!

"Say whaa?"

My totally awesome photo op. Yup, he loves my tat and he signed the pic "Sweet ink"

*le sigh*

Close-up of my tattoo. Yes, those are sparkles, thanks for asking!

Time to listen to Michael speak... he's funny as balls

"O hai, AB! I love you, too!"

Yep, that's his ass right before he did the Booty Dance from Twilight.

Me ready for the ball, and hello boobs!!! I totally loved my shoes and I had to get them when I saw that they're called "Bella." Perfection.

Hillywood Show at the ball. Kinda really glad that Kylecob only had one costume

The ballroom before the ball

Ready to partay!

Amber's beautiful centerpiece that one the contest

Each side of the glass is etched with a picture of each of the book covers

Amber accepting her award. She dressed as Jane for the ball.

The celebs at the ball. Yeah, my camera still sucks

I had an awesome time, as evidenced by my throw-your-head-back-and-guffaw pose. No idea what I was laughing at...

Me and Haley, Dorothy and Frances

I believe Haley was trying to eat my face and we were both highly amused by that

Trying to be super-sexy. Please note that Dorothy just looks trashed. Which she was. We have pointed this out to her.

I believe this was a boob bump...

Drunk

Drunker...

Drunkest.

Our crew and Josh. Note that he was moving so fast that his head is transparent.

Frances and Dorothy steal a moment, but I was being all stalkery in the background. That's just how I roll.

Francie and I steal a moment and rest our tired feet. A lot of dancing that night!

Haley and I, the view from above

The next morning was the breakfast with the stars. SME was soooo ready to catch a glimpse of Tinsel. Can't you see the excitement on his face?!

The guys came in and Justin was recording us as we snapped pictures of him. Funny dude.

The four celebs awaiting their torture... I mean appearances. Justin snuck off to grab a yogurt before coming to our table. Eating and talking, so sexy!

Justin's appearance onstage. Surprisingly out of focus!!

These two crack me up. Please please please come to the Hartford TwiCon!!! Everyone wants to perform in exciting Hartford!

Or maybe not. But I will still enjoy my next TwiCon, no matter who appears. Because, even though there were a few fans there that made me want to hide vital organs, most of them were totally sane and a lot of fun to hang out with. I don't think I'll go Gold next time (mainly because that shit is expensive), but I'll definitely be there in May!

Oh, and sorry for the two long posts... this is what you get when I go 6 months with no posting!

AB Conquers the Twilight Convention, April 2010

2011-02-02T13:07:00.003-05:00

Please don’t have a heart attack and keel over because I’m posting two days in a row. I feel like all the crap that I’ve done in the past year has been constipating my brain and now I have diarrhea of the keyboard. Yeah, not a cute visual. Sorry.

I don’t have a cute segue after that, so let’s just move on to Twilighty stuff!!! Be ye warned, this is a loooong ass post. In fact, I was going to go into serious details, but I’m cutting a lot out so that you don’t get bored and—whoop, you’re already yawning. Okay, here we go!!

A little bit ago, I went to Twicon in Arlington, Virginia (oops, sorry, they don’t like it when you call it that—Twilight Convention… whatever). Ok, so April of last year might be a bit more than a little bit ago, but just go with me and don’t be a cooch stain. (Hey, I’m even using my Creative Cursing book again! Yay!) Nonetheless, it’s about damn time I gave my totally awesome recounting of the TwiWeekend of Epicness. Ya know, before I forget it completely. Ye old convention was April 23rd through the 25th. I went all out and got the Gold Package because I’m hot shit on a silver platter. Gold entitled me to early check-in, a better seat, free in-person autographs from all the celebs, free admission to the Vampire Ball, free admission to the Friday night concert/karaoke contest, and just the fuckawesome status of having a “gold” wristband!

I also don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I was attending this event solo. The only saving grace I had was Ms. Frances—HI FRANCIE!!—whom I met on twitter but hadn’t actually met in real life. I was going to stay in the room with her and two of her friends whom she’d met at a previous TwiCon. Yeah, staying with virtual strangers was not new to me. We had one of the crappiest rooms in the entire hotel, however, and were not pleased at all to be stuffed into the tiny basement room with no window. I kid not, here is our view:

Claustrophobic? Don't stay in the almost-basement room with the black tarp for a window. Oh, and there were workers RIGHT OUTSIDE. We heard them. FAIL.

Even my MiniE's were trying desperately to escape. The windows did not open... not sure if that was a good or bad thing.

The good news was that I was able to convince my hubby to come up from Portsmouth, Virginia with the kids on Saturday. We upgraded to a bigger, nicer room with a view, I got to spend some extra time with the family, and he and the kids got to hang out in D.C. for the day. Frances and my two new friends, Haley and Dorothy were also upgraded to a bigger room with a view, so it all worked out for everyone. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Friday, was check-in and meeting new friends. Officially met Frances, and Haley and Dorothy showed up a little later and we all went to the restaurant at the hotel to eat and chat. I am so blessed that Twilight has brought me such great friends. It amazes me that I never would have met these awesome women if it weren’t for those simple books! I digress… we checked out the vendor room and I got my fix. Jewelry and body art, plus tons of dolls, t-shirts, and other memorabilia, I definitely bought more than I should have. Worth it!

One other booth there was the Hillywood Show. If you’ve never heard of them, go here and watch their videos. Hilarious. They were hosting the convention, acting as MC’s. Hilly and Hannah Hindi were there (as Alice and Bella) along with Drew Lorentz (as Jasper) and Jacob Jost (as Edward), plus their newest cast member, Kyle Dayton (as Jacob). Ok, so I am totally Team Edward, natch, and while their Edward was adorable, he had nothing on Kyle/Jacob. I saw this kid standing there, buff and tan and shirtless, and I was more than willing to ignore his jorts as long as I could get my hands on him. Except that maybe he was a bit young… So we got our photo taken with the “cast” and I rush over and squeeze myself beside young Kylecob and put on my best pedophile—er, um, charming smile and say “You must be cold, don’t you get cold?” whilst rubbing his pec. Yes, yes I did. He answered with a cute little grin and said sometimes. I might have made him uncomfortable, but I did not care. Except that maybe he was underage and I was facing jail time…

So moving on!! After shopping, the theater was open and they started the show. Hillywood welcomed everyone and had a screening of their extended New Moon parody, which was AWESOME. I found my seat which was across the room from my friends and found that I was seated next to a wonderful lady named Amber. Amber, my darling new chum had a professional camera with a huge lens… and I am still waiting for the CD with the pictures she took on it!! Next was the trivia contest and then the Eclipse trailer which made me happy in my pants and then, the highlight of my weekend—Peter Facinelli. Purrrrrr.

It royally sucks that there was no audio or video recording allowed and that they didn’t even provide us with transcripts because Peter was amusing. He was sweet and funny and truly entertaining. And I don’t really remember a word he said. Damn me!! BUT! I totally and completely remember the face-to-face interaction I had with him that was far better than his appearance onstage. They released us row by row for autographs and tried to keep my cool as we inched closer to Dr. Cullen. I had a glass heart paperweight that I was having signed for SisE because she couldn’t be there with me, the schlong fondler. So we finally got in the backstage area where he was set up at his little table with his little marker. I stepped up and handed him my heart (teehee!) and I noticed how tired he looked (he’d just flown in that morning from somewhere…). So I said, casual as can be, “You look tired.” And he says, “Is that just a nice way of saying I look like shit?” I laugh my charming, musical laugh and say “Of course not! You just look tired!” He smiles at me, sighs, and lifts his arms up to cross them behind his head. Yeah, he stopped signing, took a little break to talk to me and show me his amazing biceps. He told me that he was, in fact, tired but he loved meeting with fans. I said something else witty about how nice that must be and he gave me another dazzling smile and signed my heart… I mean, SisE’s heart.

It says "Renee, Eternal Love- Carlisle Cullen/PFach"

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

So after that fabulousness, I didn’t think my night would get any better. False. As friends and I were loitering in the lobby, one of them says in a stage whisper, “OMG, isn’t that Michael Welch coming down the stairs??” We all try to surreptitiously glance over to the other side of the lobby and watch as Michael does, in fact walk down the stairs. OMG is right. Not because he’s a celebrity and because he’s, like, totally been in the same room as Rob, but because dorky Mike isn’t so dorky in person. Holy shit, the blond hair is now brown and longer and stylish instead of Revenge of the Nerds. He’s super fit and showing it off in a tight, black tee and jeans that, mother of gawd, the jeans……. What?? Where was I?? Oh yeah, he walked past us and I look at the JEANS that are molded to his rear like he was born in them and I did a Bella and stopped breathing. I somehow managed to tear my eyes from his ass long enough to look at his face. Which was looking back at me. And he knew exactly what I’d been looking at. And he smirked at me. And I, being a ballsy fangirl, grinned boldly back at him. Oh yes, Michael, I like what I see. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I’m certain he would have come back to talk to/make out with/grope me, but his handlers were rushing him backstage so he could do his hosting thing. Damn.

I recovered slightly and followed the girls into the theater to take our seats for the karaoke concert. It was 9pm at this point and there were very few people actually attending this event. I could have signed up to sing, but I was being a chicken shit and did not. Mainly, I didn’t have enough alcohol, self-confidence, or best friends around to help me take the leap onto the stage. But I was more than willing to watch others and cheer them on. We were sitting there waiting for things to start when the music was cued up and out bounces Michael, hopped up on Red Bull (at the very least) and bouncing around the stage singing “Blister in the Sun.” He was like a male version of Drunk AnnaBella! I fell unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. Seems a bit heavy for a Friday night, but it is what it is.

We all sat couple rows from Michael and the action as it were. After performing his song, Michael introduced a couple more singers and sat with his rear-end facing me and I was content with that… until he came over and sat between two young girls RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I could have grabbed that tight ass if I’d wanted to, but I restrained myself. Strength of Hercules, I tell ya. I wanted a picture with him, so like a freaking ninja I stooped down in front of his back and one of my friends snapped my picture. Well, turns out I’m not a good ninja because Michael saw it and grinned at me again and gave me a fist-bump. Oh yeah, the night just kept getting better. I leaned over and asked him if he’d be at the ball the following night, he said yes, and I asked if he was going to dance with me. “Yeah, absolutely, just come and find me.” Fangirl squeeeeeeee!!

Karaoke continued, Michael returned to the stage, more singing, Peter showed up and made everyone’s night (mine had already been made). I made friends with some of the convention volunteers and had a blast dancing with them… New Friend Josh even tried on my stiletto pumps! Good times were had by all, but eventually we had to go to bed.

The next day we slept in a bit and had a late breakfast before heading back to the theater for Edi Gathegi’s appearance. Again, unfortunately there was no recording allowed which was a damn shame. Edi is one of the funniest guys ever in the world. He does a lot of hilarious impressions, too. After that was Kiowa Gordon, ya know, Embry. Um, he was… um… if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, right? He is not meant for these public appearances…
That afternoon was a photo op with Edi, Kiowa and Michael. I wanted this, and I had no intention of getting any photo ops until I saw Michael’s a—I mean, Michael. And I figured I’d get Edi, too. And that Kiowa kid. So, in preparation, I went to the body art table and got a Team Mike “tattoo” on my arm and went to stand in line for the photo op. Got in the room, went up to the guys and said to Michael “Look what I got.” He looks at my arm, says “Awwww” and gives me a huge hug. Let me just say the rest of him is as tight as his ass. *shivers* Got my totally adorable, much treasured picture.

Following that spectacular event, we grabbed dinner and then went to stand in the incredibly loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong line for Michael’s autograph. I wanted my photo signed, so I was determined to wait in that line, even though it snaked all the way around the lobby. Problem: we were in line around 7pm and the ball started at 9:30 and we had to get ready still. I waited and waited and realized that Michael is a chatter. He is super nice, which is great, but each fan wanted to talk his ear off and he was too kind to tell them to move it along. I mean, I would have gladly told those bitches to move their asses, but I think that was frowned upon. So at about 8:30, I told Amber I had to go get ready and she said she’d get the photo signed for me. Yay! So off I went! To wait for the elevator…

Problem 2: The damn hotel was way overbooked with our convention, a wedding, and some sort of Muslim leaders conference. There are three elevators and one isn’t working. I honestly waited for at least 15 minutes to go up to my room. Ran in, told my family hi, switched to my dress, curled my hair the fastest I’ve ever curled anything, re-applied my makeup and sparkled myself up before heading back to the elevator. And I waited some more… I’m standing there tapping my foot, hoping to hell that I’d make it down before Amber got to Michael with my photo, but my hopes weren’t high. It was already almost 9. Finally caught the elevator, tore out of it on the 1st floor and tried to walk/run to the autograph table. I see Amber just stepping away from Michael and I yell “WAIT!” and sprint to them. Michael gives me an appreciative look and smile and I smile back, slightly out of breath. Just made it in time to say thanks for the autograph and then some other twats stepped up and cock blocked me. Better than nothing, I guess.

After that insanity, I waited for the elevator with Amber and we went up so she could get ready. She had made a beautiful centerpiece (which ended up winning the centerpiece contest!!), but it was supposed to be in the ballroom by 9:15, so I volunteered to take it down for her. Thank goodness I did, because I got early entrance into the room and got to stroll around taking pictures before other people came in and I got to introduce myself to the DJ so I could be sure to get my requests played later. Score! Finally, the other guests filed in and I met up with my friends, got my drinks, and got my party on!

If you remember from a few paragraphs ago, I’d asked Michael for a dance. The celebrities came out, danced with the winners of the trivia contest… and then were escorted out! WTF????? They weren’t even allowed to stay! So I did not get my dance with Michael, but I did get to dance my ass off and have an excellent time with my friends FTW.

We stayed out late and then I had to go to bed and crash, exhausted. For some reason, they decided the breakfast with the stars should be at 8:30 the next morning (after an all-night ball? Really??), and I had to get up and get ready and be outside the room by 8am. Amber was there, too, and we sat at a table with a group of other awesome ladies. The celebrities there were Justin Chon, Edi Gathegi, Kiowa Gordon, and Tinsel Korey. Each celebrity was escorted to each of the tables in turn and they got about 5-10 minutes with us. Observations, despite the early hour: Justin and Edi were both hilarious and friendly, Kiowa was still awkward, and Tinsel was very sweet and said some pretty profound things. It was worth the extra money.

From there, we went down to see Justin’s appearance and then Edi’s was directly after. Eric Yorkie is one funny mother-humper, but when Edi came out on stage with him, the real laughs started. The two of them together, doing their Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan impressions almost had me falling out of my seat. If they had a comedy show, I’d pay to watch it… oh wait, I guess I kinda did. Edi signed autographs at random times throughout the weekend and I went to have a picture signed for JHB since she also didn’t go with me, the ball gargler. I told him that it was for her and that she thinks he’s hot… he signed it “I think you’re hott, too!” Love him!

After that, I could have stayed for Tinsel’s appearance, but I decided it was time to give my family some of my time and leave the Twilight behind (as if I’d ever actually leave it…), so we headed out. I told all my friends goodbye and we went back to Portsmouth, Virginia.
All in all, it was an amazing weekend and I’d gladly do it all over again. And looky here, the convention is coming to Hartford, CT this May!! How convenient, it’ll be 45 minutes from me!!!! Right now, there are a lot of wolfpack members appearing (hey, BooBoo!), but I’m praying very hard (hehe, I said hard) for a Michael, Edi and/or Justin appearance. I want to go to there. Oh, and I wouldn’t say no to more Peter or a little somethin’ somethin’ with Jackson or Kellan. A girl can TwiDream, right?

Next post will be all pics so that you can be fully inundated!

When Real Life Attacks!

2011-02-01T09:32:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year!!!!!

"But, Annabella," you say, "it's February. You've been gone since last July and the New Year was a month ago." First of all, DON'T JUDGE! Second of all, I know. Allow me to explain...

Last year was, bar none, the longest and most stressful, crazy year of my life. Once I summarize the craziness, you will understand and hopefully forgive me for the lack of posting, AKA abandonment. I think the easiest way to explain this is chronologically:

JANUARY

I started this blog a year ago"last month."* At the same time, I started going through a quarter-life crisis. I realized I didn't know who I really was or what I wanted from my life. I was coming to the realization that I wanted more than just being a wife and mother. Yes, I love those jobs, but I didn't want them to define me. It's easy to type that out now, but it wasn't the easiest thing for me to figure out and it didn't just come to me overnight. I was distancing myself from loved ones during this identity crisis and it wasn't fun for anyone. Heavy stuff. While this was going on, I was dealing with everyday challenges, including homeschooling SonK which is not easy, in case you were wondering.

FEBRUARY AND MARCH

Still in the throws of my crisis of identity, I was keeping busy while internally freaking the fuck out. We're talking family and friend vacations, parties, play dates (for kids and adults), etc etc etc. So many etc's, I couldn't keep up. Still homeschooling like a boss. On top of this, I found out that my husband was going to have to spend about 6 months of the year in Virginia doing training. And we'd still be living in South Carolina (though not the whole time, more on that later). So we were trying to cram as much family time into our busy schedule as possible. Toward the end of March, I had some self-revelations and was able to delve into my inner mind (SCARY place) with the help of JHB and JR and at least that part of my life got easier...

APRIL

This was the month of my husband's departure to Virginia, TwiCon, kids' sports and cub scouts, JR and my anniversary, SonB's birthday and party, more trips, more homeschooling. We also knew at this point that we were moving over the summer and I started preparing for the move. Collecting boxes and organizing the house started in earnest.

MAY

Still doing cub scouts, sports, play dates, parties, and vacations all month long. Husband in Virginia, planning and packing for the move. Homeschooling and year-end tests. Every minute accounted for.

JUNE

Craziest and hottest month of the year, naturally. All the normal activities, husband still gone, plus SonK's birthday and party. My parents came for the party and stayed to help us pack up and get ready to move. Thank GOD for my parents. We rented a big truck for the move... and our shit didn't fit in it. After an entire day of loading that truck in 100 degree heat (that doesn't include the humidity and heat index of 120 degrees), we got to the back of the truck and still had a ton of stuff in the house. We made the decision to donate some furniture and we gave some to friends. We packed my little Prius to the gills and finally got everything in. Another saving grace- my parents took the kids to their place in Ohio so JR and I could head to Connecticut. JR left before me and I had a panic attack while finishing cleaning the house and then I finally left at 7pm. Let me summarize that trip from SC to CT by saying that it was a 20 hour trip. We stopped in North Carolina, but the overall trip was 20 HOURS. We made it to CT in the early morning hours and crashed on our air mattress. Horrible move.

At the end of June was the Eclipse premiere. It was insane. I will have to detail it in another post because it was long and involved... and sucky.

JULY

Once the move was done and the NYC debacle passed, it was time to settle into life in CT. That would have been easy enough except that JR had to return to Virginia. I drove to Ohio to pick up my kids and got back home to finish the unpacking. By the end of the month I realized I was in need of professional help. I returned to my old therapist and was prescribed Zoloft for my anxiety. It was much needed, but I had an adverse reaction to it...

AUGUST

More travel!! We took a family trip to the Outer Banks in NC with JR's extended family (including SisE). It would have been nice except that the Zoloft was kicking my ass still and I was beyond stressed out. Spent most of the week in the pool at our rental house, and that was a good thing. After that annoyingness, the boys and I went up to Virginia (yep, JR was still there) to visit and relax before heading back home to get ready for the school year. We returned about a week before their first day and had to rush and get all their supplies. Also, I nixed the Zoloft and that helped immensely.

SEPTEMBER and OCTOBER

School started! We were finally able to start getting into a routine around our house, even though JR wasn't around. Things finally started calming down, but with JR gone, I realized that the Forks trip was falling through. Because the kids were in school, I couldn't take them to my parents' house and JR wasn't able to take more time off. The only real option was a nanny, and because of the move and all the other trips we took during the year, cash was low. So I missed out on the epicness that was the Forks pilgrimage. Depressing. The good part of October was JR coming home. Unfortunately, him being home didn't really last... even though his boat is going to be stationed here, it is currently in the shipyard in New Hampshire. Two and a half hours away. Better than him being 10 hours away in Virginia, but still annoying.

NOVEMBER and DECEMBER

Holiday craziness. That about sums it up. My family came to CT for Thanksgiving and we went to Ohio for Christmas. Traveling, present buying and wrapping, full calendar. Good news: our routine finally fell into place and SonB started full-day kindergarten. Talk about sweet relief! Free time!! My plan since then has been to re-read Twilight finally, but I still haven't gotten to it. Priority? Yes!

*JANUARY 2011

Let me start by saying that I am disowning January of this year. It shall be stricken from my calendar. And this is why: I drank too much Stoli on New Year's Eve and ended up being sick as a dog the first two days of the year. Two days later, I was laid up with a fever and the first cold of the month. Took about a week to get over that and then my ears got clogged and I got pink eye. Had to find a new doctor and get antibiotics for a double ear infection and the pink eye. Took about a week to get over that, then by the end of that week, when SonK went to a sleepover, SonB woke up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache. Then he spent the next two hours puking his guts out, thankfully in the toilet. While this was happening, I was fighting hallucinations because I'd had trouble getting to sleep and took sleeping pills. We finally were both able to sleep.

We picked SonK up in the morning (SonB was fine by then) and found out he'd stayed up until 4am. Seriously. The babysitter came early that night so I could go to bunco (God bless her!!!) and both boys were asleep by 6:30. I got home and slept all night long... The next day, however, I didn't feel very well. Put the kids to bed and was about to go to bed early myself when I hear puking... SonK had puked ALL OVER his bed, nightstand and floor. He went in the bathroom and sat on the toilet for 20 minutes and then he felt better. I, however, had to clean up his puke while fighting back puke and sobbing. I must also mention that JR was not home that whole weekend. Horrible. The next day, I had a bad stomachache all day and slept or sat in the tub. It finally went away, but I went to the doctor again the next day.

I have tested positive for Celiac disease (an auto-immune disorder that make one intolerant to gluten), but I'd had a biopsy that came back negative... despite that, my doctor decided to do another blood test for it. It came back positive, so I have to get another biopsy, meaning an upper GI endoscopy. This will more than likely lead to a gluten-free diet for me from now on. Yipee. Also at that appointment, I was diagnosed with exertion-induced asthma and was given an inhaler to use whenever I exercise so I don't pass out.

I was finally starting to feel better last week after that appointment, but PMS started. Fuck. That. Shit. Got over that and was ready to tackle this week... and then yesterday at my Body Back exercise class (which I was owning with the help of my inhaler), I stepped backward onto a crate and twisted my ankle and gave myself a bad sprain. Of course that would happen on the last day of the worst month ever.

(edit: Oh yeah, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the 300 blizzards CT has had last month. We're talking 24"+ of snow and 5 snow days... stuck inside with my kids. *le sigh*)

That, my friends, is why I am thrilled that it's finally February!! I'm ready to get my life back and start living it the way I want. This new year, I'm pledging myself more energy, more time to myself, and more kicking ass and taking names. I will rule this year. I have so many things to look forward to, and I'm ready to get started. I'd also like to start this blog up again... as evidenced by this totally lengthy post! So heeeeeere weeeeeeeeeeee goooooooooooooo!!

Where am I?????

2010-07-29T22:00:00.002-04:00

Yes, I have essentially abandoned this blog. Don't judge!! I very much would like to continue writing here on a regular basis, but I discovered something profound over the last few months-- I don't have time. I don't have time to blog away the day because I'm too busy with life. I, in fact, don't have time to explain that I don't have time! But I'm making time because I hate to leave this poor, beautiful, sensitive and caring blog to rot here in the forgotten blog attic. I don't like that bloggy-poo is collecting dust like Grandma's old records. So I'm updating about how I can't update right now. Hmm.

I would love to get some good posts in here about the Twilight Convention and the Eclipse premiere in NYC and other adventures of Mini E, SME, and FSE. And I will! Eventually... I promise I have pictures of our zany escapades that I want to share. I'd like to get them in here in the next week or two. However, that pesky time issue comes up again. Because not only did I just move from South Carolina to Connecticut, I also am traveling like crazy this summer and fall. Sadly, my trip to FORKS!!! has been cancelled (more on this travesty later... I hope), but I still have a lot of things going on. Like a LOT. So, that being said, I want to share my boring-- er, um, fascinating life with the blogosphere. It's just gonna take some time.

So be sure to check back in two or three months!!!

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

2010-04-23T15:50:00.014-04:00

Silly AB! Give me the password to the blog (note from SisE: She really doesn't think sometimes, huh?). It's only fair while she's away being a whore flap at TwiCon. (Agreed! Damn twat-waffle!)

RL has been kicking her in the ass lately, so I'll forgive her this time, for not updating. Both our hubbys are in Virginia for work, and we're here with our kids. Plus, she's moving back to Connecticut in June *tear*. It's okay, I still have Mandolinn and AH to keep me company in Twitardia. Speaking of Mandolinn, she's officially converted (woohoo! It's about damn time!)! Bought the book, saw the best/worst movie and is plowing her way through the rest of the series. Next, we'll introduce her to FanFic. She's a little shy, so we'll have to give her some of the um, *clears throat* tamer stuff. I don't think the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am's will do it for her. She'll probably run screaming away from us! (I can hear her sweet, little virginal screams from here!)

So, without further delay, back to our regularly scheduled post:

Now, we all know AB has MANY pictures of her Mini-E and his escapades. Where are they? Who knows? So, I will give you a couple of mine in hopes her blog will actually get updated sometime this century.

AB is my bestie. No questions, so being the wonderful woman she is, she gave me my Mini-E. (I'm not sure why, but hey, it was free.)

Hellooooooooo, JHB!

I had my own Mini-E. But, being the procrastinator that I am, he stayed in his box, in the car for awhile. Probably a month. I know, I'm horrible! (That's blasphemy, JHB! You'd better clean up your act or you'll have your twi-porn privileges suspended). I'm a professional procrastinator, what can I say?

Anyway, it was Mardi Gras, and I decided that it would be a perfect opportunity to let Mini-E out to party. So I went to the car, brought the box in , and popped it open. (Okay, more like sawed it open with a kitchen knife, but in my defense, that plastic is STRONG!). My first thought when I saw how he had been strapped into the box, was "HOLY SHIT! Mini-E has a mini chastity belt! (He certainly needs one, but I'm sure I can pick that lock!)

Maybe this will stop them. No? Damn it, I need something stronger! Hurry, I see Twilighted on the comupter!

After I finished laughing, I grabbed the camera to document this occasion:

It's not working.....

So, after I, *ahem* got the belt off, it was time to party at AB's house. And, low and behold, who showed up! Reneeseme! (Or, baby Jesus, whatever-don't judge me!)

And bad little hybrid that she is, tried to bite her daddy! Such a cutie!

No, Nessie, that's not nice!

After that, we may have forgotten to take more pics of them together. There may have been booze involved....but I won't swear to it :)

Now, everyone yell at AB to update her damn blog more often! She better have a blog started by the time she gets back from TwiCon. I expect full updates!

Hello, My Lovely Lovelies

2010-03-26T23:38:00.001-04:00

Whoops! Looks like I did it again. I realize that the more pressure I put on myself to update this blog, the less I write! So... it occurs to me that I shouldn't pressure myself. I'm just gonna write when I write and my loyal, lovely readers will get lucky more often (if you know what I mean, and I think you do). That's the plan, anyway. What do I have for you today? Lots and lots! Let's try to get it all in before I have to go to bed, shall we?

Lots has gone on the past few weeks, including the totally awesome NEW MOON DVD RELEASE!!! Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! First, though, I have excellent news-- Mini E's foot was found and returned to it's... leg!!! There's still some adhesive work to do, but the foot is attached. He'll be in a "cast" until a more permanent solution can be found. He's feeling much better and has rallied to his original brooding/happy self. Also, along with the New Moon merchandise I've been slowly amassing, I found a new carrying case for Mini E. Here he is in his new digs:

Oh, hai!

Speaking of amassing New Moon merchandise, I made an all-too-important purchase for the DVD release party-- A Brand New Full Size Edward!! Yep, got me a cardboard cutout boyfriend! And despite the fact that he seems to be glaring at us condescendingly most of the time, along with the fact that he's scared me, my husband and most of my friends at least once, he's lovely! And oh so much fun!

Here he is in the forest that I created in my living room. Yes, my DVD party included a trip to Living Room Forks! It's amazing what green gossamer and borrowed Christmas trees can do for your house.

This is just a portion of my decorations. There were 5 total trees and a ton of gossamer. Very green.

I knew that Mini E was going to have to meet FSE, so I introduced them before the party. I thought that Mini E might be upset, but it turns out that he was glad to have some of my affection diverted to FSE. Apparently, my love can be a bit overwhelming... who knew??? So they were soon buddies and I believe they were gossiping about me like girls. Go fig.

Bff's forever!

I would love to say that my group of 8 friends and I spent the two hours of New Moon unflinchingly engrossed in the movie, unable to take our eyes off the 60" screen... but that would be a lie. And a big one. See, when you start drinking with your girlfriends before the movie even starts and there are a big group of crazy, drunk women in your living room and there's an air mattress on the floor... things... happen. And boy did they. This is one of many pictures of our multiple orgies:

Here I am on top of JHB (in the light blue tank), our friend Mandolinn in the pink, and our new Twilight bestie, Awesome Heather who will be AH! for short. 'Cause it's short for Awesome Heather and it sounds like we're shouting about her. :o)

Yeah, not a lot of movie watching was done that night. Of course, I've watched it since then, but the orgy stuff was totally crucial. I had a blast that night and I'd love to do it again. Gladly, SisE was there via webcam, but ungladly, she was unable to actually participate in the orgies. Good news-- I'm visiting her this weekend and I'll be making that up to her. There will be alcohol and Mini E's involved.

There's SisE!!

In a last bit of news, I broke down yesterday and made a purchase that I'd been hedging about. When Mini E lost his foot, I mentioned considering a new Mini E. This was totally uncool because I love my Mini E and I didn't want to replace him. Even though I'd seen a Mini E with his shirt open, I was okay with leaving him at Toys R Us and being content with my little guy. But... yesterday I went to Toys R Us for something totally different. Naturally, I was pulled to the New Moon display. I looked over the merchandise and the totally awesome deals, and then I saw him. There was the New Moon Mini E With Open Shirt. And he SPARKLED. No, really, he SPARKLED! He's got full-on sparkles!!! So I HAD to get him. I mean, seriously, how can I NOT have a Sparkly Mini E??? The hard part of this was telling Mini E that he had yet another plastic competitor to deal with. And that he had to share his brand new carrying case...

They met, they glared, they faced off. Mini E 1 growled.

Mini E 1 walked away, hurt. I felt super bad and explained to him that Mini E 2 (or Sparkly Mini E-- SME) was not here to replace him, but to be his buddy. The two of them and FSE would be able to bond like brothers. Bros before hos and all that.

SME came over and comforted him. I don't know exactly what he said, but it sounded super sweet.

Then they hugged it out. It warmed my heart, and wasn't at all gay because they're the same person! Except that one sparkles.

I realized halfway through this post that I have other updates from my weekend in Jacksonville. However, it's late and I have to get up early tomorrow so that I can drive 11 hours to SisE's house. So the Jacksonville adventure will have to wait until next time!

Fanfic Freakday

2010-03-04T21:46:00.000-05:00

I have decided that I need to do a weekly post of fanfic recommendations. Yes, this is done on a crap-ton of Twilighty blogs out there, but my theory is that you can never get too much porn. So I'll do my best to search through whatever filth (the good kind of filth, natch) I must in order to uncover smutty gems for all you lovelies out there. You know you want it.

Yes, another post about Twiporn! I'll leave you with this for the weekend since I will be going with JHB to Jacksonville for an all-out girls weekend! Wooooohoooooooo!! Oh, you can bet there will be some drunken debauchery, and maybe even some pictures! And even better news-- I found Mini E's foot!!!!! So, he'll be patched up and ready to go on the trip with us! He deserves it after what he's been through. Poor little guy.

Anyway, on to the goods! This week, I'm linking to a bunch of one-shots. These are short stories that get to the smut as quickly as possible. No foreplay is necessary! Great for the busy lady who only has a few free minutes to sneak in her dirtiness.

Note: Many of these are on Twilighted, which requires a membership to view. If you don't already, do yourself a favor and join the website!

Starting off with a dirty, dirty one with some serious lemony goodness:

Speed Dating

The next is a Bella/Jacob/Edward story. It's not actually a one-shot, it is 3 chapters and isn't finished, but it definitely gets to the action quickly:

In This House

Like a little Jasper lovin'? Here ya go!:

Southern Comfort

I absolutely LOVE The Perv Pack's Smut Shack! They give the absolute best recommendations, and here are a few from them:

Oh yes, Bella and Edward are alive and very well:

Found Amongst the Shadows

You know you wanna read about what happened on Isle Esme:

Be Very Still

Ooooooh, Carlisle is dirty:

HB, CEO of Sexy, Flies the Friendly Skies

I'll do my best to get another awesome collection of stories for next week! Until then, you can check out the Perv Pack's Smut Shack for more awesomeness...

JHB is loving her smut

2010-03-03T21:57:00.003-05:00

Instead of taxing my little brain to create another blog post tonight, I just made JHB do one for me! This is so much easier!!

JHB:

"So, since AB is such a muff donkey, I've taken the liberty to write a post for her. Lazy bitch. (Just kidding, sweetie, I lurve you!) [From AB: Hey, I did a post this week and I have another in the pipe line! Shut it!]

Ok, I admit I love me some porn. Sex is sex in my book. I learned a long time ago, sex ain't nothing but a thing. And, before you get all judge-y on me, that attitude has changed a lot since I got married. But for a significant period of time before I got married, sex was a release (and how!). A means to an end, if you will. I used to read all kinds of slutty books, charged with heaving bosoms, stolen innocence and bulging swords of manhood. LOVE me some brain porn. But, I digress. AB and I have had this conversation about Twilight before, and I'm sharing it with all of you, lucky lint lickers that you are (I love that phrase from the gum commericial!).
We all know that The Twilight Series is brain porn. We have no shame in that. But, why is it that this series has such an attraction to older, mature women who can get their hands on hard-core, stuff-the-taco porn if they wanted? I mean, why do I want to read about teenagers NOT having sex. I can go to a porn shop and buy 6 double-ended dildos and 20 bottles of lube and not blink. Get a lot of looks maybe, but I could do that if I wanted. But, we've figured it out. Twilight makes you feel. Twilight reminds you of your first kiss with that special someone, when you're biggest worry was whether or not he was going to ask you to the homecoming dance. It brings back the feelings giddiness at discovering something new. It makes you want to relive the most wonderful/horrible/innocent years of your life. Who doesn't want to remember what it was like with no kids, no husband, no bills, no groceries to buy? Twilight is about anticipation, about waiting, and, for us slightly older crowd, the disappointment of Breaking Dawn and the honeymoon...

THEN-- you discover Twiporn. Now, let me say that I am late coming (hehehe) to the game when it comes to Twiporn. I knew about it. I introduced it to AB, who sent it to SisE (who then broke a dildo b/c of it!). I ignored it. Just wasn't in the mood to read about sex. The other downside, for me, was I like Stephenie's Edward and Bella. I don't like when characters change on me. I KNOW I'm going to be disappointed by the new Victoria in Eclipse, because it's not Rachelle Lefevre. I know Bryce Dallas Howard is a good actress, but she's not Victoria. I didn't want to read about a bastardized Edward and Bella.

There was the whole fanfiction.net fiasco-- they were taking down the lemon stories (I knew from AB/SisE these were the hard core stories) that I didn't want to miss. So I stopped by Twilight Cupcake's site who had ear-marked all her favorite fanfics, then I tooled around fanfiction.net and signed up for twilighted.net and starting bookmarking those stories. And I started to read one... I thought "My hubby's not home tonight (he's working a grave-yard shift this week), one kid is gone, the other is asleep, I'm not tired. I'll read a few pages of this one", and holy-fucking-SEVEN HOURS LATER I thought, 'Shit, now I'm addicted!!!' It was like the first time I read Twilight. I couldn't put the laptop down. I wanted to finish reading all 60-odd chapters of "Emancipation Proclomation". I'm in Chp. 20 something now, and there's been no E/B sex, but the anticipation is building, and I can't WAIT for some good old fashioned poon tang to happen. I NEED to know what happens. Does Edward become a revised whore? Does Carlisle apologize for the bastardly thing he'd done???? ARE THEY EVER GOING TO HAVE SEX?!?!?!

And, so, if you've been reading this blog awhile, then you know all about the signs of too much Twiporn. And the fact that AB, SisE and myself are going to FFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOORRRRRKKKKKSSS, and that the price may be too high for me. But I think I've found a way to make my husband happy-reading more porn. I have seven months to ply him with the goods and he'll be happy and let me do whatever I want. I'll more than gladly take one for the team. As long as I get to go to Forks.

So, if you'll excuse me, I have some reading to do."

And I'm sure she'll be imagining this:

Another Eclipse photo. Oh yeah, just like that Edward. Uh huh-- oh sorry, I got distracted...

Mini E to the ER!

2010-03-01T19:54:00.006-05:00

I know, I know, it's been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long since I updated and I've kept my awesome and loyal readers waiting. Sorry, muff donkeys (oh yeah, I got my very own copy of Creative Cursing!), real life is still kicking my ass and I'm trying to recover from some craziness around here. It's going. I won't say it's going well, but it's going. And I didn't want another day to go by without a post on my dearest blog, so here it is!

Unfortunately, I am the bearer of some seriously horrible news. The other day, as I was driving down the road sonB informed me that "Edward lost his foot." This proclamation made me gasp in surprise and confusion. You see, sonB has been playing with Mini E a lot lately (which made Mommy so proud!) and I was pretty certain that E was with sonB at that time. Losing a foot??? WTF????? So I tried to stay calm and asked "What do you MEAN, lost his foot?!"

That's when sonB produced Mini E from the war zone that is the Back Seat of my car. What I saw almost stopped my heart.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously? For real? Mini E WITHOUT HIS FOOT!?!!?! *weeps* I am completely heartbroken by this. I don't know what we're going to do, especially since I scoured the back seat and didn't find the missing foot. Mini E is, naturally, more upset about it than I am and has fallen into a depression. I had to get out my AnnaBella Barbie doll to help console him. It helped a little.

Barbie AB is almost as good as AB. I do believe Mini E was checking out her rack...

So sonB has been forbidden from playing with Mini E ever again. He really did like the little guy, but that's all over now. We feel betrayed.

Looks innocent, doesn't he? Don't be fooled! I thought only another vampire could damage my mini-bloodsucker, but I was wrong! SonB has super-human strength!

I have tried to come up with some good solutions to this problem, but it's got me and E perplexed. Thankfully, I do have an abundance of toys around here, and I have considered doing a transplant... but things aren't looking good for that.

I must say that Commodore Norrington was NOT pleased that his tiny boots were being considered for this. He was a bit... indignant. Sorry, James!

Mulder was kind enough to offer, but alas, his feet are also too small. Besides, Scully was really pissed that he offered.

Can you see the longing in Mini E's eyes?

Scully felt a little bitchy for being so unhelpful, so she did offer to do the surgery... if we can ever figure out a prosthetic. So we're just waiting now.

Prepped for surgery

We borrowed a shoe from our Troy (HSM) doll. It at least allowed him to stand upright again. This may be a viable option, but E would prefer a brown or black shoe.

Mini E and I have talked and he won't even let me consider replacing me with another Mini E. I wouldn't want to anyway. He's only been with me for a short time, but we've truly bonded. We've had some really great times, so I thought I'd share some of them with you now. Remember the good times, and all that.

Mini E Memories

Mini E helped me pick out Valentine's Day cards. He was insulted that they would label Twilight cards for "Teen Girls." Psh! He knows they're for more mature women- like me.

Mini E enjoyed hanging out at bunco with JHB. He told me later that he wished she'd have put him in her pants.

He just doesn't get the human food. Cupcakes? Eww.

Raw meat? Oh yeah! But Mini E, next time you might wanna wait until we take it out of the plastic...

And because I'm a fanny bandit (thanks, Creative Cursing!), I don't have any pictures of Mini E at Seaworld or Disney World! I took him both days that we visited the parks, but I foolishly forgot to get him out for pictures! I feel horrible about this, but at least we did have fun messing with the bag inspectors. It was awesome to have someone check out my purse, open up the inner flap, catch site of Mini E's perfectly coiffed, plastic head and do a double take. Cracked me up each time. The good thing is that they didn't see him as a threat, so he got to come in with us.

While I don't have Disney pics, I did manage to get some good shots of him at the zoo last month.

"Ooh! A grizzly! Where's Emmett??" Yes, that really is a bear in the background, I promise.

He pondered what elephant blood would taste like. That would fill him for weeks! But then the smell coming from the mounds of shit made him think it wasn't such a great idea.

I had to hold him back when we got to the lion display. He WANTED them, with a passion. Good thing he's small and somewhat easy to control.

Hopefully we'll have a solution for poor Mini E's foot soon. When we do, we'll let you all know! I was going to post about the acquisition of a brand-new Full Size Edward, but with Mini E feeling so bad about himself, I didn't want to make him feel more inadequate. Next time, scrotum danglers!!

(Please don't take offense of the name calling!! This is a way that I show how much I love you all!)

And they all lived happily ever after. Or else.

2010-02-21T17:08:00.000-05:00

I just finished The Time Traveler's Wife, and now I'm sad. I don't want to say anything too disparaging against the book, because it was well-written and I did enjoy most of it. I also don't want to give away the ending to anyone who hasn't read it. But. I was disappointed, to say the least. The good thing is that it made me realize one of the main reasons I love Twilight so much.

When I was little, all the movies and books I read had happy endings. It was just a given-- there was a pretty princess who met a charming prince and they met and fell in love and they were happy. The end. It was that simple. Okay, so it may have gotten more complicated throughout time... for instance, the plot might have actually thickened and the prince and princess may have had to overcome something horrific (like evil spells or petty misunderstandings or mono) and then gotten hitched, but I knew what to expect. I started reading romance novels in high school, not just for the smut, but because the ending seemed so predictable and easy. That's what I'm used to, that's what I expect, that's what I NEED in a movie/book.

Honestly, the end of romance novels is ideal, at least for a girl like me. It represents that fairy tale that I always wanted in my life. The hero and heroine live happily ever after in their castle/cottage/apartment/whatever with their amazing sex drives and there are never any more troubles. I wanted to meet a guy, fall madly in love, and get my glass slipper. While that did basically work out for me, more or less, that doesn't mean my life is perfect. Yeah, I got my prince charming and my little princes, but there are always things that can drive me nuts in 0.3 seconds flat and things that make me want to pull my hair out on a daily basis. And with all that crap flying around in real life, why in the world would I want to read about those things?

Books and movies are an escape. I want to be able to lose myself in other people's lives and pretend that my life can be that easy. Not only that, but I like my diversions from reality to be easy to read, requiring very little brain power. I believe the term for this is "brain porn." My brain is languishing in fantastical love stories which leave it in a near-catatonic state of bliss. And that's a good thing, people. Because when my brain is all squishy from my latest Harlequin, it makes it easier to laugh off the huge, nasty mess my son just made all over the bathroom.

So, knowing all this, is it any wonder why I love Twilight? Yes, it's 4 very long books of nail-biting suspense for Bella, but in the end-- EVERYONE is HAPPY. Things fall into place for them, almost magically. And I can go about my business with the knowledge that, even though my life may be maddening, fairy tale endings can happen. And why shouldn't it be like that? These characters are made-up in the author's mind, so why wouldn't he or she want them to end up happy? What's the point of making an unhappy ending? Are they trying to be clever and demonstrate that life can be cruel? Uh, duh! I totally already know that-- that's why I'm reading a book and ignoring my life! Is it really so important for imaginary people to be killed off?? Sorry, I'm gonna go with NO.

Anyway.... that's my soapbox issue for today. Is this just me? I don't think it is, because I know many people who need that diversion from their reality. Wouldn't it be nice if we all got our own purple-haired unicorn?

I think about you. Always.

2010-02-19T19:00:00.004-05:00

I feel the need to apologize to all my loyal readers. It's been 10 days since my last post! I feel horrible, and I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for my next comical (or just weird) ramblings. And I'm here to tell you that... you'll just have to wait longer. I have another real post that I'm working on currently, but I need all my brain cells to complete it and I don't have the use of all of them now. This, of course, means that this "post" is more of a "postlet." It is what it is.

To give you a little bit of happy, I thought I'd share at least one of the new Eclipse pics that are circulating around the interwebs. I do not claim this picture and I won't post any others, but this is my favorite. This may or may not be a reason why my blog has been so delinquent. I cannot stop salivating over this...

I call this one "boob grab" and I pretend that it's me. Ooooooooh yeah...

Ok, so that's not the only reason I've been so far behind. It might have had something to do with the fact that we took a family vacation to Disney World and SeaWorld last weekend and I've been wrapped up in preparing for the trip, the actual trip, and then recovering from the trip. The good news is that Mini E went with us... the bad news is that he stayed in my purse the whole time. Very disappointing. But more on that at a later time (hopefully not too much later).

I will leave you with one more goody...

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Thanks to Allison G at Twifans for this pic. I love you.

I'm a STAR!!

2010-02-09T19:35:00.003-05:00

I am a slacker blogger now. Poo. I really have been meaning to post more and to be much more entertaining, but real life kicks my ass a lot of the time. I mean A LOT of the time. I feel like I need four or five more hours to my day just to catch up with the housework. But instead of that, I have stolen minutes of each day and these next few minutes are being dedicated to my blog. Lucky you!

Because I'm an attention whore, I regularly check my site statistics. I like to see where my readers are and what sites refer them to me. I get excited when I have a lot of visits per day or week, and it thrills me when I see visitors from other countries. That's why I jumped up and down in my chair a few days ago when I saw that someone in Italy had read my blog!

I imagined the implications here-- the Volturi is checking up on cute bloggers who have voiced an interest in becoming vampires?? Sweet! I mean, er-- um-- it's some cool Italian woman whose husband is in the navy and she loves Twilight? Awesome! So I clicked on the info button to find out more about this visitor...

That's when I saw it.

Visit Length: 0 seconds
Page Views: 1
Search Engine: google.it
Search Words: porno annabella

Yes, you read that right. This mysterious Italian was searching for "porno AnnaBella." I'm going to go with a he, although it could have been a woman, but I'm betting he was pretty disappointed when he got here. Hence the visit length of a whole zero seconds! This poor guy probably didn't speak much English (if any) and just wanted to look at naked babes getting it on. I can understand that. I can even understand why google led him to my page. (To be specific, it was a link to the entry about JHB not giving blowjobs. I think that's like anti-porno.)

But then I started thinking.

WHAT was he looking for, EXACTLY?? So I searched for the same thing, naturally. I came up with naked pictures of Annabella Sciorra the actress, but that's not really porno stuff. The Italian search page had some really promising headlines, including one which read "Una latina molto bella e sexy," which is obviously about the latin version of me (very beautiful and sexy? check and check). My computer wouldn't let me open that site, though. Then I struck gold.

There are apparently a couple of porn stars out there who share my bloggy name. And I'm proud of that... is that not the proper response? Oh well. The first I found was a little disappointing. I know porn stars aren't living up to the highest standards, but ones who share my name need to be better than this:

Sorry, AnnaBella 2, I'm just not feeling the nose. Mine is much cuter and smaller.

The second was a bit better, but her bio was a bit confusing. It said she was Caucasian, but the movie that she starred in- Back that Thang Up- was about black booty girls. Hmm. Now, whether or not she is Caucasian, that seems much more like something that JHB would star in. I would put AnnaBella 3's picture here, but I think that her "production company" might sue me or something.

So the moral of this story is... mkay, there's really no moral here. I just thought it was hilarious. And to the guy (or girl) from Italy who stopped by here-- I'm sure you'll never be back, but if you are-- WELCOME!! I'm not in any pornos (that I know of), but I'm almost as crass! And I'm way cooler!

Sweet Dreams

2010-02-04T08:58:00.005-05:00

I woke up this morning from an incredible dream...

You would think that after this picture came out yesterday, it would have been all about Kellan. I do believe that the X in these ads stands for the X-rated daydreams I have about him.

But, nope, the dream wasn't about Kellan. It was about Rob. Adorable, dorky, sexy Rob. And me. Mmmmmm. Here's how it went:

When the dream started, I was with MommyAnnaBella in her car, driving along a snowy road. This isn't a far stretch since my family lives in Ohio and it's still cold there (unlike here in the south). Suddenly, we both decided we were hungry, so we stopped along the side of the road at this hole-in-the-wall type restaurant. We got out and walked up, but I was sure they'd be closed since the parking lot was completely empty and there was no sign of life. I was ready to head back to the car when the restaurant doors swung open, pushed by two guys who were apparently the owners. They welcomed us and ushered us inside.

I had been quite wrong about the place being empty. It was packed, and it made me wonder where these people had parked. It was a pizza place where you ordered your food by way of a cafeteria-style counter. MAB and I walked up to get ours and that's when one of the guys at the counter turned around to smile at me. It was Rob. Not famous Rob that everyone lusts after, but regular-guy Rob that is able to joke around with friends and not worry about paparazzi. I, however, still knew exactly who he was and I stopped to stare for a second or two... or three.

He was helping to make pizzas, and as I stood there a few people who were either leaving or entering the restaurant called out to him. "It's Plaid Guy!" they called. Yep, that was his nickname. That's when I noticed that he was, indeed wearing his signature plaid shirt. The funniest thing was the fact that under his plaid, he had on a tee shirt with a big Edward Cullen face. Did anyone else see the irony here?

I finally got up to the counter to order with MAB and she took over with the food. She went to pay and I just stayed where I was, wanting to talk to Rob. Miraculously, he stopped working and stepped around the counter and came to stand beside me. He grinned, crossed his arms in front of him and said, "nice shirt." I looked down and saw that I was standing the same way and that I was wearing almost the exact same plaid shirt as him. We laughed together about our matching outfits and then he took me to a table where we could sit and talk.

On the way to our table, another guy who looked just like him came up and said "Hi, Plaid Guy." He was apparently Rob's brother and he was also wearing plaid. The plaid was getting a little out of control at this point, but how could I possibly complain??? Two hot Robs? Did I say dream? I meant heaven.

After talking to his brother, Rob took me outside. That's when I realized I'd completely abandoned my mom! I noticed that she was sitting in the car with the food and it had been a long time since she'd left the restaurant. I felt incredibly guilty, so I told Rob that I had to go. He gave me a lopsided grin and pulled me to him. Then he kissed me goodbye and I melted, right there in the parking lot. Dream-Plaid Rob is a really good kisser. *sigh* Then I woke up. *pout*

"I'll make your pizza anytime, AnnaBella. If you know what I mean..."

The moral of the story is that it's not okay to leave your mother in a frozen car while your dinner gets cold. Unless there's a chance you might get kissed by Robert Pattinson. Then you'll be forgiven. Unfortunately, MommyAB doesn't know who Rob is, nor has she read Twilight, but I'm working on it! That's my next goal. She swears that vampires aren't her thing, but they weren't mine either. The good news is that she and I read a lot of the same books and she trusts my opinions on them, plus a few of her teacher friends (yep, my mom is a 62-year-old elementary school teacher-- and she can still love Twilight!) have fallen in love with the books. There is hope for her! And, of course, I will keep everyone posted when the conversion is complete... bwhahahahahahahaha!

The Price of Forks is Too High for JHB

2010-02-01T10:59:00.005-05:00

This gem is from JHB. Yes, it's as vulgar as you think. ;o)

"So, if you've been keeping up, the shiteth hit the faneth the past week.

Let me begin by saying Mr. JHB, AB, and I have a weird relationship (not THAT kind of relationship, you pussy biscuits!). I love Mr. JHB, he loves me. I love AB, she loves me. Mr. JHB doesn't love AB and AB doesn't love Mr. JHB. They have an understanding. They will tolerate each other for my sake. What can I say? AB is my other half...I mean, if I didn't love me some dick. (Note to AB: We should probably figure that part out BEFORE we get married in Massachusetts-I mean, you've already started planning it, right?) [Note from AnnaBella: Of course I have that figured out. Do you honestly believe we'd have trouble luring a guy to our place? I mean, lesbians... guys love 'em. Nuf said.]

Now, Mr. JHB and I are getting ready to celebrate 5 happy years together. We've talked about doing a cruise, or going to a resort. You know, something big to celebrate. However, we decided against doing anything for right now, mainly for money reasons. So, I kinda figured me going to Forks wasn't gonna happen, and had fully accepted that fact when AB started talking about it. I was fine with that, but I figured that I needed to bring it up to Mr. JHB, so he wouldn't get mad if we won the lottery and my first purchase was plane tickets for a vacation. Without him. With my wife. Across the country. Where his family lives. And we haven't visited in 5 years. And I haven't met my mother-in-law.

Yeah, I knew he wasn't gonna be happy with that, and was I fine with not going to Forks. Really. I am somewhat of a realist, and I knew 99% this was not happening. I tried approaching it as a challenge. I told him I would save the money to fly the family out to CA, before I started saving the money to go to Forks. Nope didn't work. Shit hit the fan. And I quote: "You're not spending my money on something so stupid" Whoa. Stop the fucking presses. "HIS MONEY??????" Like, AB, I'm in charge of the money in the house. Us being military wives, it kinda has to be that way. If he's gonna be gone for more than a few weeks, then I better be able to get shit paid. Like rent or food. Now, I don't currently work, which was a big decision for me. I love my kids, but they drive me insane. I'm surprised I've lasted 8 months at home. This is the longest I've ever NOT had a job since high school. So, yes, technically, the money we survive on is the money he's earning from work, but I work at home. I take care of the kids, make sure they get clothed, fed, where they need to be, laundry, cleaning, etc. Don't pull this "your money" shit on me. It hit the fan- this was Wednesday-and it didn't stop until a VERY long night at the bar on Saturday. [Note from AB: Uh, yeah, that was something else. Hitting the driveway. Hehehe.]

So, AB and I started talking about other forms of payments we could make to our hubbies as an incentive for them to "shut the fuck up 'cause we're going on this mother-fucking trip." And, being us, the subject of sex and blowjobs came up. (The ladies at Twitarded really started that subject.) I like sex. I like sex a lot. Hell, if you ask AB, she'll tell you all about my wild younger days as a Hooker- not a real one. I was kinda wild for awhile, but never arrested. [AB's note: Kinda wild? Ok, sure...] I, however, do not like to give blowjobs. Never have. Don't get me wrong, if I'm in the right mood, Mr. JHB will get lucky and I will pull out my talents for his pleasure. That particular mood just doesn't strike me. I'm not a "starfish," and will do my part in the boudoir, but sucking on some dick ain't it. Most of my friends know this. I'm not ashamed, and after two kids, I don't have a lot of shame left. You wanna know about my sex live, past or present? Ask me. I'll yell it at a bar! [AB's note: Yes, she will and she did. In her defense, she was about seven sheets to the wind.] Just doesn't bother me. BJ's bother me. I won't read about them, I won't watch them in porn, just don't wanna see it, do it, or think about it. Even writing about it gives me the chills. EW.

So that being said, I would more than gladly give up more sex for the hubster to get my way. You want me to dress up as a hot dog, and let you spread the "mustard", sure whatever. You wanna play "Porno PlayAlong?" Sure. Let me go read some fanfic, meet ya in the bedroom in 15 minutes.

But BJ's? No. Thanks. I'll pass. That price is too high, even for me. "

to BJ's.

That's JHB's policy. Does JHB stand for "Just Halt Blowjobs?"

Love, Sacrifice and Forks

2010-01-31T14:48:00.006-05:00

The figurative shit hit the figurative fan in the past few days. By this, I of course mean that I had an argument with my dearest JR over my trip to Forks. It all came about because JHB was having the same argument with Mr. JHB (more on this later) and I brought it up to JR. Then, everything kinda went downhill. It may be hard to believe, but JR isn't really on board with me taking multiple Twilight-related trips this year, one of them being all the way across the country. For him, it's mostly about the money being spent, coupled with the fact that he just doesn't understand why I have to go all the way out to the middle of nowhere to hang out with my friends.

What?!? 48 hours in the car isn't that long... At least I'm not going to Australia or something! That would be a horrible drive!

Let me explain first that I am in control of the money in this house. It's a good fit for me and my OCD. I don't necessarily earn it, but I manage it and make sure it goes out to the right places and that the budget is completed each month. I know how much money there is for everything, including leisure excursions. So when I say that we can squeeze in several different vacations this year, I'm fairly certain that we can do it with little to no trouble money-wise. JR always worries that we're not going to have enough, and I always try to reassure him that we're more than fine.

So, that being said, I tried very hard to explain to him the other appeal of going to Forks. He really doesn't understand the obsession thing because he just doesn't get that excited about anything as I get about my O's. He believes that it just has to do with a movie. That is just plain silly. It's so much more, and I'm going to try to include all the reasons here...

Forks is, in and of itself, just a regular small town. Nothing terribly special by itself, but it's about what Forks represents that makes it so tempting. When I first read Twilight and then found out that Forks was a real place, I wanted to go. No, I wasn't hoping to meet vampires or werewolves while hiking through the Olympic National Forest. I'm a very visual person and I really wanted to go and be able to see the places in the books that were already so real to me. The rain forests of the northwest are gorgeous and magical in themselves, and the coastline at La Push is breathtaking and the fact that I feel like I've been there already would make the experience that much more enjoyable. Every time I read the books in the future, post-Forks-Trip, I will be able to put myself in the story even more.

The other side of Forks, aside from the natural beauty and the literary allure, is the fact that it's a mecca for other people like me. I've already had the opportunity to meet new friends through Twilight, but that doesn't mean I don't want more! I'm excited to be able to meet and hang out with other people who carry their own Mini E along wherever they go. I want to go into Dazzled by Twilight and squee over their merchandise along with everyone else there. I want to go eat a Bella Burger and giggle over how great the ground Bella tastes. Forks is like a Twilight theme park and I don't even have to buy tickets (except for the plane tickets, but whatever). On top of all that is the girls at Twitarded and their planned pilgrimage to Forks. That means there will be an overabundance of Twitards the weekend that I'm going. It's almost too good to be true.

One other appeal that this expedition holds for me is the opportunity to get away somewhere with my best friends. I know sisE is committed to going and JHB is trying desperately to make it happen, and we might have more people come with us. JR thinks I can just go to one of their houses to hang out for the weekend and have a big Twilighty slumber party. He just doesn't understand the concept of escaping reality with my besties and being able to totally immerse myself in my obsession!

As if all that weren't enough, I'm also planning on using my time on the other side of the US wisely. I have friends near Seattle that I can visit, I would love to go to Portland, and I'm also interested in taking a side trip to Vancouver. It's just weird that I basically lived across Lake Erie from Canada my whole childhood and part of my adulthood and have never been to Canada. And Vancouver is the perfect spot because a) It's full of filming locations for Twilight movies AND X-Files (plus many more I need to research, I'm sure), and b) there's a good chance that Breaking Dawn will be filming by the time we go! Can we say "set stalking?!"

Now, all this has been put out there (hehehe, put out...) and he has somewhat approved of the journey to Forks. But it looks like some of my other plans will have to be shortened or cut out. This makes me immeasurably sad. The TwiCons are in jeopardy, as well as the Eclipse premiere in NYC. I have to see what I can manage and what he and I can compromise with. And I can always look forward to next year (hopefully) when Breaking Dawn comes out! Can we say MAJOR PREMIERE!? Is it too soon to start planning for that??

My other option is to go to Forks Township... in Pennsylvania. Believe me, if this Forks, Washington trip falls through, I'm hoping in the car with my Twi-Entourage (Twitourage???) and driving up to PA! Nothing will stop me from getting to FOOOOORRRRRRKKKKKKSSSSS!!!!

You have no idea what you're in for, Easton, Pennsylvania!

My Happy Place

2010-01-27T13:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, life gets ya down. Sometimes you feel like you just need a place to escape and unwind and forget all your troubles. That place may be a childhood home or an isolated forest or just an empty room. For me, it's my own Isle Esme. The sun, the sand, the sparkly vampire and I, all alone... *sigh* What could be better?

Wouldn't it be nice if I had my own little island to which I could escape? It would be outrageously awesome. Hell, I'd be there right now if I could be... just hook up my internet and I'm good. Maybe my imagination is a little overactive, because I've kinda already designed my own Island. It's called Isle AnnaBella. Let me give you the tour!

Naturally, I need to have my own cleaning staff, but they're more like cleaning ninjas. I never see them, but everything is in immaculate condition. Same goes for the maintenance. It breaks, I walk away, then when I come back it's fixed! That's right, no laundry to do, no nasty toilets to clean (seriously, 3 boys here= ew), no dust bunnies, nothing. The chef here is world-renowned and makes whatever I want. He also shops for all the groceries and makes sure the pantry is stocked with whatever snacks I could ever desire.

This is what I like to call my dessert island. Yes, I spelled that correctly. Mmmmmm.

The house is small, simple and beautiful. It's nestled in a stand of palm, lemon and lime trees right along the beach so that it's shady and cool all year round, and boy does it smell gooooooood. Think the smell of margaritas. There's an office for my computer (how could I live without it?), a TV room for watching Twilight (and soon-- New Moon!!), a reading room stocked with my 4 favorite books as well as all the smut I can manage, and then there are two bedrooms-- a white bedroom and a blue one. For obvious reasons. And if they're not obvious, go read Breaking Dawn.

This is NOT the blue bedroom I had in mind. *shivers*

If only island ownership weren't so damn expensive. I actually got super-excited that you could rent an entire island for yourself... until I saw that the nightly rate was $36,000. Oh, to be rich! And honestly, if I were rich enough to pay that a NIGHT, wouldn't I just buy my own island? Since that won't be happening any time soon, I guess I'll have to be content with the island in my head.

This is called Secret Island. You can buy it for only $350K. Of course, that doesn't include a house, but these are trivial details! Click the picture for the listing page.

Interestingly enough, while I was searching for pictures for this post, I stumbled across the Hilton resort in the Maldives...

I want to go to there. Click picture for the resort website.

At around $1000 a night, this is far more reasonable than renting an island, although flights there cost an additional $2000 a pop. Yeah, still not very likely, but a girl can dream! And dream I will. I want my Isle AnnaBella!

Maybe something like this would be more attainable:

Click for details.

It's called St. Somewhere and it's in the Caribbean and it goes from $400-800 a night. Sure, why not? I'll just add it to the enormous amount of travel I'll be doing this year! Then again, I do have a 10th anniversary coming up in a few years. Island living, here I come! Hehe, that sounded dirty...

FOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSS!!

2010-01-26T00:32:00.006-05:00

No, no. I said "FORKS."

I should totally be asleep and getting ready to do productive things tomorrow like taxes and whatnot, but I am so excited about this subject I need to get it out! The lovely ladies over at Twitarded have decided to make a pilgrimage to Forks, and it just happens to be planned for the weekend of my birthday! What a great present! And I've already decided that I MUST go.

I mentioned before that I have a ton of stuff going on this year already-- seriously, we're talking trips with my family, conventions, trips with my mom, parties, premieres, my brother's wedding, my husband's birthday, two kids' birthday parties, etc etc etc. It's insane. And now this! The only thing saving me from the poor house this year is a sizable tax return (hence the need to get those taxes done!).

But Forks... oh, Forks. It's like a fracking Twilight theme park. It's a tiny town in the middle of the Olympic rainforest, but it's like Twilight Heaven. Just the merchandise potential alone has me squirming in my chair. But the best part-- NEW FRIENDS! One of the greatest thing about this obsession of mine is the fact that I've already made a few friends that I never would have met without Twilight. Awesome, incredible people who make me genuinely happy. And now there's the potential for a ton more!

Speaking of merchandise, Dazzled by Twilight is a must-stop!

So, despite the fact that I have to fly (this hypnosis stuff better work! flying? eek! more on this later...) across the entire country to attend a drunken Twifest full or people I've never met, this birthday of mine has the potential to be my best yet. And it's still 8 months away! I have a feeling I may be bringing this up a few more times...

Random Sunday Post

2010-01-24T11:21:00.002-05:00

I have been planning a post for the past week or so, but I've been so sleepy and overwhelmed by RL that I can't function. The fact that I stayed up super late last night for bunco, hitting a club, then coming home and not feeling well/not being able to sleep doesn't help the blog situation. But I didn't want to let another day go by without some kind of update!

I am hoping that you all have been so absorbed in your TwiPorn that you haven't noticed the lack of posts. But if you did notice, I apologize. I vow to actually get some sleep this week and be able to function on a normal level. Until then, please do enjoy some amusing videos...

The first is a little music video of Isabella... and Phineas. If you don't watch Phineas and Ferb, you should! It's possibly the funniest cartoon ever. And this video is just proof that you can find "shippers" anywhere for any couple. In case you don't know, shippers are people who are fans of certain characters being in a relationship. I'm amused that this one uses the same song and style as the second video, but of course, is more cartoony. Please do enjoy on this lazy Sunday!

Isabella and Phineas

Isabella and Edward

So You Think You're Addicted to TwiPorn?

2010-01-18T17:18:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I posted a great, informative article about smut. And although it was less than 24 hours ago, I'm sure there are folks out there who can get addicted to something in less time than that. After all, how long did it take to get addicted to Twilight? Exactly! Therefore, I'm sure there are many many many many of my loyal readers :o) who have found themselves unable to pull themselves away from their dirty stories. And I know for a fact that one of those readers is... sisE.

"I've been reading smut about you, too, sisE... the ones I wrote."

Yes, that's right, my darling sisE has got it bad. As promised in the last post, I will let her tell her story:

"Six months ago my life was pretty normal. Then my darling sister-in-law/bff finally wore me down and got me to read Twilight. Five days later I was a sleep-deprived neglectful mother who had read all four books and the partial Midnight Sun manuscript and there was no turning back.
After returning home (oh yeah, there was a 15 hour road trip in those five days, too!), I logged on to find e-mails directing me to the best Twilight fansites she had discovered so far (the real best was yet to come!).

I was still managing to at least give the appearance of leading a somewhat normal life- my new obsession was mostly secret and my family had food and clean clothes, if not much of my attention. Then, she pounds the last two nails in to my coffin of Twi-obsession. First, I get an e-mail introducing me to Twitarded (hey, another plug! Dude, we should be getting paid for all this advertising!). I swear those women are our soulmates! They are just like us only a hell of a lot funnier. [Annie's note: Uhh, I don't know about all that. I'm pretty damn funny. Psh.] Then, she strolls into my house, hands me a pile of papers and tells me, "You HAVE to read this. I've discovered TWI-PORN!!!!!"

I was quite skeptical. Annie is known for her love of cheesy romance novels and that's really not my thing. But I read, and boy am I glad I did! I was immediately hooked and craving more.
Luckily, there are a lot of pervy women out there writing TwiPorn just for other pervy women like me. [Annie's note: Yeah, God bless 'em! And I don't think it's just for you... I have a feeling they do it more for themselves. Just saying.] Now I fear I may have gone overboard. I think I may have read too much TwiPorn !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Learning from Carlisle's gorgeous, compassionate and scholarly example, I threw myself into researching this undocumented ailment. I have compiled a list of warning signs so that others may be saved from my deliciously TwiPorn-filled fate.

Signs you may be reading too much TwiPorn:

While helping your children put away puzzles, you glimpse a shape puzzle (the kind that has the shape names printed on it) out of the corner of your eye and you swear it say clitoris. (What shape would that be exactly?)
Your significant other, while a little perplexed at your new found enthusiasm, is suddenly the happiest s/o for miles around.
You have a new, self-imposed "no name shouting during sex" rule just to ensure that you don't yell out "Edward" (or Jacob, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, etc.) in the heat of the moment.
You suddenly see exciting opportunities for sex everywhere you look-- dark alleys, rooftop gardens, hospital rooms, elevators, the rare books room of your local library, etc. etc.
You begin to wonder if you should buy stock in Trojan to earn some of your money back.
Your toddler climbs into your favorite chair, pulls your laptop into his lap and gapes at it. When you ask what he's doing he smiles and says, "Just like Mommy!"
You try to look up Jackson Rathbone's band to see when they are coming to your town, but instead of typing in "100 Monkeys," you accidentally type "The Lost Boys" and it takes you a minute to figure out what you did wrong. [Annie's note: check the link for your smut fix...]
Your s/o begins walking around the house in sweatpants to save time and energy- you're likely to be on him again before he can get everything zipped and buttoned properly anyway.
You have a new found respect for the Harlequin reading friend you used to mock and begin asking her for recommendations of reading material with main characters named Edward.
You have a whole new sexy view of Gilligan's Island.
You're always horny s/o begins to use your old tried-and-true "not tonight honey, I have a headache" excuse. If he's bold enough, he just comes right out and tells you that you need to back off because his poor penis is chafing!
You find yourself considering a tattoo if Edward could be the one to ink you. [RT- Clipped Wings and Inked Armor]
You've been stocking up on C batteries so often that the store clerk now recognizes you and greets you with a knowing smirk every time you walk in.
You find yourself citing smut-tastic AH (all human) fics as proof that it's not the vampire thing that makes Edward so sexy and irresistible- it's just Edward himself.
You've gotten enough Bella and Edward smut that you may finally be able to let go of the craptastic fade-to-black catastrophe of the honeymoon scene in BD... maybe...

If you find these signs describe you, you may consider getting some help for your addiction. Or, you could just keep on being pervy like the rest of us! There's plenty of good TwiPorn out there for all of us!"

I'm gonna go ahead and accept my addiction and feed into it as much as possible. What's the worst that could happen?! Yeah, you don't have to answer that. Please, do enjoy the links from above, and here's another link from Twitarded (yeah, I'm thinking they gotta enjoy our
free advertising) with even more links!! The more lemons, the better right?? (Seriously, check out the lemon link and the second description... cracked me up! I love that we Twitards are not viewed as "normal" and that we're also considered perverted! Go us!)

Did it just get hotter in here? Must be the TwiPorn!

2010-01-17T21:50:00.003-05:00

This blog post is not appropriate for anyone, let alone non-adults, so if you're reading this and you're under 18... stop it! Why are you reading some random blog anyway??? Shouldn't you be out at the mall or something? But I digress...

I wanna talk about smut. Good, old-fashioned, dirty sex. But not just any smut... TwiPorn. Ah, yes, the TwilightMom's Golden Grail. That's right, not only are we obsessed with a romance series featuring "teenagers," but we're also addicted to pornography. And I don't know about any of you, but I really don't have a problem with that. I admit that I enjoyed my smut before. I would pick up a good Harlequin at the store just so I could breeze through the niceties and enjoy the rough and tumble, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Yes, I love love, but sometimes you just want the raunchy. I have always felt that way, but I didn't realize that Twilight could bring out that girl in so many grown women!

When I started reading Twitarded, I noticed that they often link to TwiPorn, and that one of the girls is actually writing her own. In fact, the reason I started reading Twitarded was because JHB sent me this link to their post all about TwiPorn. I bookmarked that post, and I recommend you do the same. Because TwiPorn, AKA Twilight adult fan fiction, is about to become your new obsession. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The concept is so simple-- you can take the characters from the books whom you already love and you place them in any situation that you can imagine for them. And they do get steamy... some literally, like the ones where Edward is in the shower. Seriously. Whatever your vice is, you can find it. The ones I've read are mostly on fanfiction.net, and you can search on there for your flavor of the day. I've found it easiest to follow other people's suggestions, though, so that's why I'm compiling a list. But, I must caution you to proceed at your own risk. These stories will suck you in... and I meant for that to sound dirty.

I am not claiming any of these as mine, obviously, I just want to get the word out. Educate people. The best way for me to do that is to share the links that others have already compiled. While you're checking out these links, be sure to wander around these sites, because they're awesome... you will probably want to wait until after you've gotten your TwiPorn fix, though.

For starters, the wonderful Random Acts of Rob has a convenient page here. They update with new stories all the time, so bookmark!

There's something similar at EdwardandBella that's basically an archive with awesome stories about, you guessed it, Edward and Bella!! Click here.

Time to feed the humans...

2010-01-14T19:38:00.006-05:00

This morning, son K was playing some monster game on the computer and, at breakfast time, I literally went into the office and said to him: "Time to feed the humans." Sadly, it took me a few seconds to realize that I'd said something Twilight related, and then I started giggling. Both of the boys just looked at me strangely and went about their business. Nothing to see here, move along...

After getting the kids fed and taking son B to a play date, it was time to get groceries. Son K came with me, and so did my other little buddy-- Mini E. Of course, being my diet coach, he felt that he should tag along and help me pick out the best foods to help me with my weight loss. Yes, not only does he watch me sleep, he watches me eat! Yeah, both are creepy.

Unfortunately, he's not so great with picking out food that I enjoy... probably because he can't even remember what regular food tastes like, so the packaged and processed diet stuff is far beyond him. But he's still there for support.

He also has a great sense of smell, so that helps with the toiletries selection. I had a coupon for the disposable razors, and I wanted (aka had to have) the Twilight and Bella ones. I told Mini E that the Twilight razors were lavender scented and he took me right to them...

I believe this is what you were looking for, my dear.

I was excited to have found those, but we looked up and down that aisle and they didn't have the Bella ones. He and I both agreed that if we couldn't have Bella, it wasn't worth buying. So we're going to look at Walgreens or something.

Then it was on to the grocery section. There were certain foods that Mini E was able to assist me with... the meats, for example. He could smell the freshest and juiciest steaks...

Son K wasn't exactly pleased to help Mini E with the steaks. I am not sure, but I think he may resent the fact that I've recently been taking more pics of Mini E than of him. Hmm.

After making all our selections, we headed to the checkout. We had to wait a while, but E was patient, of course. He even offered to "man" the cart, so to speak...

Alright, so I may or may not have had to bribe son K with $1 if he held E up to the cart... Good thing kids work for cheap!

All in all, it was a trip that was made better by having a little help. When I told E that I was going to buy more chicken than steak, he got that brooding look in his eye. He didn't quite understand the importance of cutting out red meat as much as possible. In fact, he looked a little pale when I suggested it. But he didn't say a word because he knows that's what's best for me.

He was just happy that, when we went for sushi I ordered the chicken, shrimp and steak combo. He quickly realized, though, that this steak wasn't for him...

Really?!? Medium-well?? I prefer it a little more rare.

I offered him some rice, though...

I'm just going to have to puke this up later.

Give me some water, please, so I can wash down that disgusting mess you called dinner!

Oh, Mini E. You are precious. And I guess our tastes will always be a bit different.

A bunco to remember

2010-01-11T19:53:00.005-05:00

Alright, I apologize, but I'm really having a not-so-great day and, although I feel like I should post something, my brain is fried. So if this post comes out a bit negative or just plain boring, my bad. Tomorrow, I will endeavor to post something especially witty and interesting. I even have an email or two from sisE on the back burner that are waiting for me.

That being said, I'd like to take a moment to talk about bunco because it makes me feel better. I love bunco. Bunco is awesome, and if you don't play bunco, you should find/start a group and just do it! I've been part of three groups in the past 3 1/2 years, and I can't live without it. It's a simple dice game (easier to understand if you've been drinking) and it is the perfect excuse for a ladies' night. The first group I was in died off pretty quickly, so JHB and I decided we'd start our own! That's how the Dicey Divas came to be. We met up in Groton, CT each month and our membership grew pretty big before I had to move down here to SC. Then, I had to start another group so that I didn't have to be without my precious bunco. That's how the Dicing Queens began. At first, I only knew a few people and no one came... then I finally started meeting people and we had successful bunco games. We started off with about 5 of us, and now we've got about 12 regulars, sometimes more.

I won't go into the game rules here, but it is easy to play, especially when drunk... I won't say I'm a lush, but my bunco friends think so. In fact, we call our group a drinking group with a bunco problem. Which just leads to more FUN. We get crazy! And another spectacular part (for me, anyway) is that we choose a theme for each month's bunco. And when I host (or co-host), I go all out. And, of course, the minute I finished Breaking Dawn I wanted to do a Twilight bunco. JHB and I discussed it and we decided we'd throw it at her house in August. Below is the results of said bunco:

Well, thank you, Forks!

Refreshments included yummy mushroom ravioli, minus the snooty waitress

The rest of the refreshment table-- Black Swan and Red Truck wine, blood, Sweethearts, and a cake

Our blood supply- bottles or bags, your choice!

Our cake... sick, masochistic lion and stupid lamb included!

The team table... left side is Team Jacob and right side is Team Edward. Everyone had to choose a team and they got a team badge. They also got a charm bracelet with either a wolf or a "diamond" heart.

The candle holders were very fitting and the candles themselves dripped blood

The high table was adorned with Edward's face. (The middle table was Bella's and the low table was Jacob... can you tell which team I am?)

Me as Pretty Bunco Princess Bella

So that was our most-awesomest bunco! I'm sure I'll have more to say about bunco in the future, but for now I'm tired and I think I need to go to bed! Annie out! Peace!

Vampires Get Fit

2010-01-09T13:46:00.008-05:00

As always, the things I do in real life lead me back to Twilight. Naturally. Today, I went to Weight Watchers to do my weekly meeting and weigh-in. Aside from losing 4 pounds (go me!!) I was considering how much easier all this weight loss stuff would be if I could just become a vampire. You see, I have a theory-- of course there are no fat vampires, and the reason for that is simple. If you're bitten and changed, the fat will be dissolved by the venom in your system. Seriously, how could fat stand up against venom?? It also takes care of stretch marks, wrinkles and unwanted hair. (Just make sure you wax before your change and you'll be fine! Hair doesn't grow when you're undead!)

Yet another reason to want to be a vampire! Yeah, the super strength and agility, awesome reflexes, indestructibility, yada yada yada would be nice, but to be thin and have perfect skin!?! And I wouldn't have to be on the treadmill for months to achieve it?!? Sign me up! Yes, I am vain, and I do love being pretty and skinny. I lost 55 lbs on WW before, and I loved it when other girls would give me the stink eye because I was the "thin one." If you got it, flaunt it, right? And if I were a vampire, I soooo would.

Alas, I am not a vampire and I unfortunately don't know any that would help me out on this count. My life is vampireless, not counting the fictional ones. So I'll have to drudge through this crap they call dieting and exercise to get where I want to be, and I'll still have to shave/wax my damn hair! How annoying! But the good thing is that Edward will be there with me every step of the way, lending support. Mini Edward, that is.

When I sat down at the meeting this morning, I looked up at the dry erase board and started giggling. The picture drawn there was this:

It's hard to make out, but it says "Personal Advisor" and it's a drawing of a person with a little person on their shoulder. That immediately made me think of this:

Mini E, my own Personal Advisor

You see, even though Mini E doesn't enjoy the same foods as I do, he is always supportive of my choices. He's just cool like that. So, if I want to do Weight Watchers and get down to my goal weight before TwiCon and/or the Eclipse premiere (because those are honestly goals of mine), then he'll be there for me each step of the way. And that means more than just giving me pep talks and going to meetings with me... it means he's going to participate.

For those who don't know, WW is based on a point system. Every food has a point value and I'm allowed a certain amount of points each day. Staying in my point range means I lose weight. You can also exercise to gain points back, and you can eat those points as well, if you so choose. Mini E has to modify his a bit, but that's not a problem for Mr. Multiple Degrees. He's got this figured out.

Mini E's tracker (WW owns this design, obviously, but E filled it out)

Yes, we both realize that he's not going to lose any weight. How could he? First of all, he's an immortal who never changes. Second of all, he's a doll. Oh yeah, you didn't think I'd noticed, did ya??? But the point is that he's going to be there for me, encouraging me to go on. WW is doing a 10-week 2010 Momentum™ Challenge. Each week, we're focusing on different goals. This week's goal is to track everything we eat. We've already got a leg up on this!

Step 1, cut a hole in a box... oh wait, that's a totally different challenge...

Next week's weigh-in will be a breeze. Mini E and I will succeed!! (And for the record, Mini E's weight this week was 4.3 oz. He had no change from last week.)

Twilight Score: Wal-Mart 1, Hallmark 0 (or maybe 0.5)

2010-01-08T00:41:00.003-05:00

Trying to make this a short post tonight since I'm an insomniac and should be sleeping. Gotta get this in before those sleepy meds kick in!

I know that Hallmark has been advertising Twilight-related cards for months and months, and I've been waiting with bated breath to go in a sweep them all up and send along to my TwiBuddies. Or to keep for myself, whatever. For all the times that I go into Hallmark-- a lot, I frequent the two stores near me because I love the merch-- I have only ever found ONE Twilight card in their inventory. And it was a Halloween card. And I happily bought it for my soon-to-be-sister-in-law's birthday in September. I was going to get that card no matter what, despite the fact that it was the wrong celebration.

And I do check every time I go into Hallmark, as I do in most stores, to see if they have anything TwiRelated. I'd be happy with a pen, for goodness sakes (yeah know, the one I have in my car). But each time I go, my TwiDar is turned on full blast and it always comes back disappointed.

Well, today, my TwiGreeting Card desires were fulfilled! And they weren't filled by Hallmark! Hallmark was pwned today... by Wal-Mart. I happened to be walking through the card section at W-M looking for party supplies for son B's next birthday when my TwiDar went of and let me to these gems:

Best birthday EVER!

I got two of each so that I could have one for each of my friends, and maybe one... or two... for me. I can send myself cards, right? If only I could find my $44.00 roll of stamps that I just bought. Grr! Anyway, the cards are awesome, and the one on the right plays music. The one on the left has a detachable bookmark, and the middle one has pictures of Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie for those of you whose fantasies go beyond Edward.

I will give Hallmark half a point for this one, because they are Hallmark branded cards. By why make the merchandise and not sell it in your stores??? Huh??? Don't they realize there are Twitards out here waiting for new things to spend money on? Simple marketing, people!

So that's my story of how Wal-Mart pwned Hallmark. Step it up, Hallmark, or all my TwiMerch is going to be from Wal-Mart........... as if it wasn't already........... What can I say? I'm a W-M lover.

Oh how amusing...

2010-01-06T12:04:00.009-05:00

So yesterday, I spent the day on the computer planning and "getting work done" and while I was at the desk, I put up a little mini-poster of Edward above the desk to keep me company. This morning, when I got up and came into the office, I happened to look up and see this:

In case you can't see it, the note says "Really?"

Apparently, my hubby doesn't understand the value of having Edward's face right there while I'm on the computer. I will give him credit that he didn't cover up E's face with the sticky note. Again, he puts up with a lot. I think what he has a bigger issue with is how my obsessions affect our kids.

The kids haven't been party to a lot of my O's since they're so young and there haven't been too many in their short lives.... (Right?? Tell me it's not too many!! Oh well.) Ok, so actually they've been around for a lot of my craziness. And sometimes, even if I'm not trying, they are exposed to it. For instance, son K (the 7-year-old) got pulled around to a lot of XF events. He knew who Mulder and Scully were before he started reading. I have video of him playing with the mini S & M (Scully and Mulder, sickos!) along with his other toys.

When I had my Pirate O, son K and son B (the 4-year-old) both enjoyed playing the part with me. Any time they saw something pirate-related, they pointed it out to me excitedly. Sadly, K was playing with my sword once and broke it, but don't worry-- I got a replacement the next time we went to Disney World.

When I first watched High School Musical, I rented it because I thought the boys would want to watch it with me. What actually happened was that I sat through the whole movie, singing and dancing along while they ran around playing in their rooms. Since then, we've watched all three movies together several times and they know the words as well as I do. I think this one bothered JR more than anything. He seems to have a problem with his boys watching (and participating in) something that has the word "musical" in the title. I wouldn't mind if both of my boys turned out gay, but for some reason, he says he doesn't want me to make them gay... riiiight. So he's a little bothered by the fact that K wanted a High School Musical calendar last year.

That's something else-- K is just like me. Not only does he look like me, but he acts just the way I did when I was a kid and will probably act like me as he grows. Of course, I think that's awesome, so I encourage him. But with Twilight, I haven't been pushing it. He just follows along without being led. I am jealous of the moms out there who can bond over Twilight with their teenage daughters. I don't know how my mom would react to the series, so I haven't made her read it (yet). But, then again, I am somewhat relieved that I don't have to share Twilight with my kids because I don't want to have to explain lust to a pre-teen or teenage daughter. Not going there! He's all mine, anyway!

Despite the fact that I'm not sharing Edward, K and B both see what's going on. They realize they're being ignored while Mommy reads those black and red books again. They were with me when I bought Mini E and started toting him around. B isn't as observant, but K notices all the Twilight related things around us and points them out to me (like I didn't see them! ha!). He is incredibly sweet because he encourages me. For instance, one of K's Christmas gifts to me was a drawing he did (he's an artist):

Don't ask me why Edward's hair is so flat. Maybe it was super-humid that day? And the 4 circles at the top? That's the Reelz channel logo for their Twilight Weekly Spotlight show:

Yep, he's observant.

I don't know, should I be concerned? Should I stop exposing my children to my fixations? Umm, nah!! Because a)they're always with me and I'm not going to just stop being passionate about this stuff, and b)it could be good for them! I'm not sure how that will work out, but I guess we'll see as time passes. I doubt there's any way to stop them from being like their mother, so why fight it? It's my own little Mini Me's!

And one more thing-- K also drew a family portrait. You'll notice the absence of anything O-related! Just us and the happy clouds and sun!

JR and I with B and K. I'm not sure why JR and I are standing that way...

Big Plans

2010-01-04T21:31:00.004-05:00

I wanna talk about the future. I'm pulling an Alice tonight.

from HodgePodgeInk on CafePress

I'm a completely OCD person, and I do not mean Obsessive Cullen Disorder... this time, anyway. I am not a full-fledged, diagnosed case of OCD, but I am very organized, to put it mildly. As JHB would gladly tell you, I am a stickler for things being structured and, well, perfect. I am a list maker and a planner, and I do it all the time. In fact, if I don't write those lists I go a little bit crazy. So, when the new year rolls around, I take the opportunity to plan out my year.

Obviously, it's impossible to plan everything, especially with the way the navy works, but I like to figure out what I want to do for the next twelve months and then do my best to make it happen. Along with planning family trips and school events and the requisite monthly buncos, I have BIG PLANS regarding Twilight this year. There are a couple BIG EVENTS-- the New Moon DVD release and the Eclipse premiere! And on top of that, my Christmas present from JR (after wheedling my way into it) is a trip to a Twilight Convention weekend in my location of choice!

I have pretty much decided which TwiCon to attend and I know I want to have a party for the DVD release and Eclipse has to be major, but I haven't been thinking about it too much. Until today, because I started talking about it with JHB and the sis-in-law-Extraordinaire (sis-E). Now I can't get it out of my head, and from what they've said, it's heavy on their minds, too.

Now, for the DVD release party, I am totally prepared to have a girls' night in with my local TwiFriends at my house. We have a 60" TV and I have already been thinking of decorations. I'm a party planner, so this is right up my alley. As for TwiCon, I decided I'd like to get a gold pass to the Arlington, Virginia show at the end of April and then get a one- or two-day pass for the Charlotte show the following weekend since it's only 3 hours from me! And I can only hope that their guests don't cancel, because I am soooo looking forward to this:

OME... and I do mean Oh, My, Emmett... huhhhh...

What was I saying?? Oh yeah, TwiCon is all figured out. Because Mr. Kellan is on my list. Just don't tell my hubby... Now, getting to what I really want to start planning. Eclipse. Yes, I know all the other Twitards are totally psyched about this and the countdowns are up and it's less than 6 months away!!!! Which is why I need to start planning.

The plan has gone from seeing it again with my group of TwiFriends to sisE suggesting (brilliantly) that we need to see it in IMAX because, well, it's Eclipse and and we want that shit to be HUGE! Then JHB said she has to be in Connecticut a couple days before the premiere, which immediately clicked in my mind to a trip to NYC. This is getting better and better! Add on top of this the fact that we're hoping to meet JJ and STY from Twitarded (yep, there they are again, although I have no idea when/if they'll get over here! hehe!) and they live in Jersey.

These sounds like BIG PLANS, right? They are, but then... sisE and I were talking about how cool it would be if all us crazy bloggers could maybe get together with a bigger site like TwilightMoms and do a big charity event for the premiere. SisE is going to do her own Alex's Lemonade Stand event this spring, so she'll have an "in" there. I really feel like I can bring my OCD skills into play here and make a truly astounding and memorable event! And if we could get a few Twilight stars to join us, then all the better!

So those are my BIG PLANS for this year. I have a lot of work to do, but I will keep all my engrossed readers up-to-date on any progress I make. Who wants to join in??

My husband puts up with a LOT...

2010-01-02T22:42:00.014-05:00

*Let me apologize up front, this is gonna be a loooooooong post. Sorry! You'll survive! ;o)

I honestly should be going to bed right now, but I've been reading Twitarded and hitting the sauce, so I really don't care! (Look, I linked to them again and they still don't know! Teehee!)

My hubby, JR and I have been together for almost nine years now and he's the perfect guy for me. We met because one of my best friends, Ruby, invited me out on the town one night and also invited her brother along... yeah, her brother being JR. Awww... I know. So anyway, we met that fateful night and hit it off, although I thought he had a girlfriend (he didn't). The moment I knew that he was made for me-- after said night of debauchery, we sat in the local Waffle House with our friends. Another of my best friends, CeeCee, was there and she and I (because we were always on the same page) started singing along with the music playing on the loudspeakers. It was Build Me Up, Buttercup and when we got to the chorus, she and I sang out loudly: "Why do you build me up--" when suddenly there was an answering "build me up" from JR. *sigh* We finished the song together and then had breakfast, and later that night, he and I shared our first, perfect kiss. I knew that any guy who could be in sync with not only me, but my crazy best friend, was a precious commodity. And I was soooo right.

We didn't date long before we were engaged, had a baby, got married, (YES, I'm aware that's not exactly the proper order of things. Don't judge me!!) moved to Virginia with the navy, had another baby, and are now slogging our way toward our own happily ever after. We've had our share of arguments and insanity, but through it all, he's been a wonderfully supportive husband. Which brings me to my point. My husband is extremely tolerant. And is good with my obsessions.

Since we met, there have been a number of movies/books/TV shows that I've claimed dying admiration (or something like that) for. The reason his sister (Ruby) and I met is because of the X-Files Obsession. It was my first real O (short for obsession, you sickos). And boy, did I go all out. The O thing is really most successful when you have friends that help your addiction. Let me do a quick back story here. CeeCee and I met when we were 5 (me) and 7 (her, duh). We were super-close besties for a long time, and then we got out-of-touch some as she became a real-life teenager and I was still a pre-teen. We reconnected after I graduated high school and we worked together. I actually moved in with her and her parents for a year (2000) and we did everything together. Seriously, we were joined at the hip and her grandmother honestly asked her dad if we were lesbians. We weren't, just pretend sisters, but enough booze may have gotten us there... but I digress!!!! So when we were together, we had to find something to do, and that something was almost always X-Files. We loved it-- the witty banter, the educational value (they use some HUGE words!), the relationship between Mulder and Scully. Oh yeah, we were uber-fans. But that was just the beginning.

In March-ish of 2000, we were trolling the XF site for any news that might interest us when we saw a call... a casting call. They were calling for extras for an upcoming episode... in L.A... in a week. She and I looked at each other and both of us said, "How much are tickets?" So, that very night (the Sunday before the Friday-Sunday taping), we planned a trip to L.A. We booked everything and could barely sleep that whole week until our super-early flight on Friday. I LOVE L.A. I had only ever been on a plane once before to Orlando from Ohio, so L.A. was far but so totally worth it for us. The whole atmosphere of L.A. is just awesomeness. Another tidbit about me-- I have wanted to be an actress since I was in the second grade and my mom took me to see the local high school production of The Sound of Music. Going to LaLaLand totally solidified my career choice for me and I was mentally picking out an apartment the whole time we were there... but that is a story for another post. Going on.

We were in L.A. We went to the filming on Saturday and it ROCKED hard. It was one of the coolest things I've ever done. We stood in line for a while, got placed in some bleachers for a while, got some cool goodie bags, then we acted out a scene. We were the crowd at a wrestling match. Seriously. The episode is called Fight Club, and it's not a great episode, but I WAS IN IT, BITCHES!!! Here's a screen cap from CeeCee to prove it:

The "Me" is CeeCee and the "Ann" is me... yeah, shocking.

So anyway, we were ON XF and it was sweet and that trip blew my mind. One thing I didn't expect from that shooting was finding new friends. During a break in shooting, we heard from some of the other people there. A couple girls mentioned a group called OBSSE. It sounds a bit like obsessed, which is what we were (and what they were, trust us), so we were intrigued. We looked them up the minute we got home and were thrilled to see that they had an upcoming event called the Scully Marathon! Twitards should sympathize with this, but OBSSE stands for the Order of the Blessed Saint Scully the Enigmatic. Yeah, it's a bit out there, but they thought Scully was above and beyond cool (as did we) and each year, they host this marathon of Scully-centric episodes to support charity. For realsies. So CeeCee and I knew we had to go to one of these marathons! And the closest one was only two hours from us! And it was hosted by........ Ruby!!!! We contacted her and she crazily/obligingly let us stay at her house for the weekend and we made several new friends. Ruby was one friend that became a BFF, and therefore, I was able to meet her brother, JR.

So that was a super-long back story. Oh well. Moving on.

That's where the XFO began and how it blossomed. JR was totally okay with our obsession, despite the fact that he would make fun of us whenever possible. We never really cared and we kept up with our crazed antics. We had marathons for several years after that, including after the OBSSE abandoned them. We had XF weekends for our group and had parties for season finales, premieres, and especially one for the series finale. Every email that passed between us was XF related (and often still is). We played with dolls, we dressed like Mulder and Scully, we had an FBI office set up in the basement. And JR knew about this, took it all in stride and still asked me to marry him and have his child! Brave man...

We had, not only the Mulder and Scully Barbie dolls, but also Barbie extras... including a version of me and one of CeeCee. I posed them in scenes from each of the episodes. And took pictures of them. 'Cause I'm awesome.

For more awesome examples of our XFO, go here. There were a lot of instances of using Barbies and action figures to fulfill my childish need for O entertainment.

Following the XFO, there were more notable O's. Next, there was the Pirates of the Caribbean O. I blame this mainly on Ruby, the Sister-in-Law-Extraordinaire. She and her hubby were my enablers since they insisted on taking me to see the first movie and I fell in love. Oh, yeah, literally. Obsession achieved. I wanted nothing more than to be Elizabeth Swan-Scully. Because, you see, even though I have a new O, I won't let go of my old O's. I'm loyal like that. So here I am, a cute little FBI agent/female pirate. I ingested pirates like a fat kid with Cheese Balls. If it had something to do with pirates, I wanted it.... unless it was scurvy, that's just gross. I even had a pirate birthday party for my 26th birthday, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

The menu for the party. I plan parties and they are awesome. True story.

Me, greeting my guests. The skeleton is Captain Peepers and his sign says "Pirates Ye Be Warned." Yes, that's my sword, thank you very much!

Next came the High School Musical Obsession. Yeah, you read that right. I am in love with a series of movies that I can enjoy with my 4- and 7-year-old. Shut up. Zac Efron helps, and I am not ashamed of the fact that I lusted after him before he was legally able to drink. He's welcome. This was also aided by my bff, JHB (okay, this may be stretch, but her name is Jennifer and the only nickname that came to me was Honkytonk Badonkadonk because her ass is a Badonkadonk. So it's Jen Honkytonk Badonkadonk-- JHB. Whatever.) She and I would sit and sing along to HSM for hours and we had a sleepover for the premier of HSM 2 and I drove from South Carolina to Connecticut so we could to go to HSM 3 together when it came out. Which, by the way, is in the top 10 weekends of all time for me. :o) More on that later.

JHB and I at the premier of HSM 3. Yes, I was dressed as Gabriella with my specially made hair bows. And do NOT ask why my head looks bigger than JHB's. It's something that has baffled us for years. The reality is that my head is just bigger than hers!!

So, at this point, I had successfully regressed to the age of 15. Even the facebook quizzes I was taking confirmed this. And through all this, my husband remained indulgent. Darling man. He allowed the admittance to my new dolls, Troy and Gabriella. He rolled his eyes, but he allowed it. He was starting to feel more and more like a pedophile. And then I found Twilight.

My conversion story goes like this: One day, I was at Barnes and Noble and kept seeing that damn black and red book cover (which appeals to me aesthetically). I wondered what the big deal was, and despite the fact that I had no interest in watching the movie or being a part of some big cult thing, I was interested in reading it. For some reason, I remembered JHB saying she owned the series, so I asked her to borrow Twilight. I decided to take it with me when the family and I drove (once again) from South Carolina to Connecticut. I began reading it in the car, and that night when we stopped at a hotel in Virginia, I got online and ordered New Moon to be delivered to where we were going to stay in Connecticut. Yes, I had it sent to our future destination so it would be there the same day I got there. I finished Twilight by the time New Moon arrived. I ordered Eclipse to arrive at our house in South Carolina and be waiting for me when we arrived. And I ordered Breaking Dawn before I got home, too. I finished all four books within a week.

All the time I read, I texted JHB with my amazement at what was happening. (warning= spoilers follow!) "I can't believe he said that" or "OMG, are they gonna do it already or what???" and "This is killing me, she canNOT choose Jacob" or "PREGNANT!?!" and "This better be a happy ending or I'm going to kill someone!" She reassured me, but she didn't spoil any surprises. Ain't she sweet? I love the first time I read or watch something and wish I could go back to that first reading and the feelings it evoked. My O was completely solidified that week. And my husband saw the signs and he endured. Sweet man.

And now, in the 13-year-old bedroom, you can find a collection of X-Files, Pirates, and High School Musical memorabilia right there beside my Twilight shrine. I've got posters of David Duchovny, Jack Davenport (look it up! you thought I was gonna say Orlando or Johnny, huh?), Zac Efron, and darling Rob Pattinson. 13-year-old me gladly carries around her new Mini Edward and still drives around with Mulder and Scully making out in her glove box. (Although, should a 13-year-old be driving at all??)

Mulder and Scully don't like to be interrupted!! You should apologize and close the glove box...

My new Mini Edward safely stored in my purse. He's ready for new adventures!

Through it all, JR still loves me. There may be a lot of head shaking and eye rolling going on here, but he accepts me for who I am. He may not understand it, but he puts up with it. And for that, I cannot be more grateful.

New Year's Resolution

2010-01-01T10:24:00.002-05:00

I've been a "writer" for a long time. Like, a loooooong time. I started writing short stories for fun in second grade. I still have some of them, and while I realize they're not prodigious or anything, I still like to look back on them and enjoy them. I have to make the distinction that I'm a "writer" and not a Writer because I barely ever do it anymore. My current occupation is Mom, and it has been for about 7 and a half years now. I've got two boys who, shall we say, keep me on my toes. I guess it's more like they consume most of my time and keep me in a constant state of crazy. Not that I don't like my job-- I love it! I would much rather be home with my kids than stuck in some office all day (which I've done and HATED, but mostly because of my boss... another story for another time). I have even taken to homeschooling my oldest son this year to keep him out of the disappointing South Carolina school system. I love being able to teach them things and have fun with them all the time, even if they do know how to push my buttons better than anyone I know.

That being said, I really wish that I had more time for me and more time for my writing. Which leads me to this blog and my New Year's Resolution. Although I know this isn't the kind of writing I want to do long-term or career-wise, at least I feel like I'm getting some writing in and that helps. The other great part about this blog is that I can talk about Twilight on here to my heart's content and not be judged (at least not that I will know about, right?). Yay! So I resolve to do more writing, even if it's only blogging.

Eventually I want to get into actual writing and finish one of the many books that I have rattling around in my head and get it published and feel like a real Writer. Stephenie Meyer did it, right? And she has three boys! That's one of the main reasons I love Twilight so much-- Stephenie is a hero for me because she was able to, while still working on her career as Professional Mom, get the entire story of Edward and Bella out of her head, onto the page and then into books-- and now movies!!! I don't have any aspirations that high, but getting the stories out of my head would be an improvement. Maybe that would free up some space up there and make me a little more sane... hahahahahahahaha! So funny......

Of course, now that I've started reading Twilight fanfic, I may have to make a few detours and come up with a few stories that feature someone else's characters (namely Edward and Bella). Yes, I am unabashedly Team Edward and I am somewhat addicted to TwiSmut, thanks to the awesome girls over at Twitarded. (Oooh! My first plug!) So if I do write my own fanfic, be assured that it will be inappropriate for anyone under the age of 18. I totally already have ideas for this. I guess I should clarify that I usually have my mind in the gutter. I can't help it, I'm married to a sailor.

Here I am, blogging...

2009-12-31T19:59:00.003-05:00

I feel somewhat lost here, but I'm forging ahead anyway! I am certain that no one is particularly interested in reading the crazed ramblings of a navy wife who is completely obsessed with Twilight, but I'm still gonna write. I'm hoping that I can connect with other navy wives from all over and pull them into the obsession with me... so that I'm not alone. I know you're out there!!

That being said, I will have to start brainstorming what I'd like to write about. I'm sure it won't be difficult, but it's a matter of getting the gears moving. So I'm gonna go work on that!

...

Oh, and Happy New Year! May this be a year filled with hope and sparkly vampires.