AB Conquers the Twilight Convention, April 2010

Please don’t have a heart attack and keel over because I’m posting two days in a row. I feel like all the crap that I’ve done in the past year has been constipating my brain and now I have diarrhea of the keyboard. Yeah, not a cute visual. Sorry.

I don’t have a cute segue after that, so let’s just move on to Twilighty stuff!!! Be ye warned, this is a loooong ass post. In fact, I was going to go into serious details, but I’m cutting a lot out so that you don’t get bored and—whoop, you’re already yawning. Okay, here we go!!

A little bit ago, I went to Twicon in Arlington, Virginia (oops, sorry, they don’t like it when you call it that—Twilight Convention… whatever). Ok, so April of last year might be a bit more than a little bit ago, but just go with me and don’t be a cooch stain. (Hey, I’m even using my Creative Cursing book again! Yay!) Nonetheless, it’s about damn time I gave my totally awesome recounting of the TwiWeekend of Epicness. Ya know, before I forget it completely. Ye old convention was April 23rd through the 25th. I went all out and got the Gold Package because I’m hot shit on a silver platter. Gold entitled me to early check-in, a better seat, free in-person autographs from all the celebs, free admission to the Vampire Ball, free admission to the Friday night concert/karaoke contest, and just the fuckawesome status of having a “gold” wristband!

I also don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I was attending this event solo. The only saving grace I had was Ms. Frances—HI FRANCIE!!—whom I met on twitter but hadn’t actually met in real life. I was going to stay in the room with her and two of her friends whom she’d met at a previous TwiCon. Yeah, staying with virtual strangers was not new to me. We had one of the crappiest rooms in the entire hotel, however, and were not pleased at all to be stuffed into the tiny basement room with no window. I kid not, here is our view:

Claustrophobic? Don't stay in the almost-basement room with the black tarp for a window. Oh, and there were workers RIGHT OUTSIDE. We heard them. FAIL.


Even my MiniE's were trying desperately to escape. The windows did not open... not sure if that was a good or bad thing.


The good news was that I was able to convince my hubby to come up from Portsmouth, Virginia with the kids on Saturday. We upgraded to a bigger, nicer room with a view, I got to spend some extra time with the family, and he and the kids got to hang out in D.C. for the day. Frances and my two new friends, Haley and Dorothy were also upgraded to a bigger room with a view, so it all worked out for everyone. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Friday, was check-in and meeting new friends. Officially met Frances, and Haley and Dorothy showed up a little later and we all went to the restaurant at the hotel to eat and chat. I am so blessed that Twilight has brought me such great friends. It amazes me that I never would have met these awesome women if it weren’t for those simple books! I digress… we checked out the vendor room and I got my fix. Jewelry and body art, plus tons of dolls, t-shirts, and other memorabilia, I definitely bought more than I should have. Worth it!

One other booth there was the Hillywood Show. If you’ve never heard of them, go here and watch their videos. Hilarious. They were hosting the convention, acting as MC’s. Hilly and Hannah Hindi were there (as Alice and Bella) along with Drew Lorentz (as Jasper) and Jacob Jost (as Edward), plus their newest cast member, Kyle Dayton (as Jacob). Ok, so I am totally Team Edward, natch, and while their Edward was adorable, he had nothing on Kyle/Jacob. I saw this kid standing there, buff and tan and shirtless, and I was more than willing to ignore his jorts as long as I could get my hands on him. Except that maybe he was a bit young… So we got our photo taken with the “cast” and I rush over and squeeze myself beside young Kylecob and put on my best pedophile—er, um, charming smile and say “You must be cold, don’t you get cold?” whilst rubbing his pec. Yes, yes I did. He answered with a cute little grin and said sometimes. I might have made him uncomfortable, but I did not care. Except that maybe he was underage and I was facing jail time…

So moving on!! After shopping, the theater was open and they started the show. Hillywood welcomed everyone and had a screening of their extended New Moon parody, which was AWESOME. I found my seat which was across the room from my friends and found that I was seated next to a wonderful lady named Amber. Amber, my darling new chum had a professional camera with a huge lens… and I am still waiting for the CD with the pictures she took on it!! Next was the trivia contest and then the Eclipse trailer which made me happy in my pants and then, the highlight of my weekend—Peter Facinelli. Purrrrrr.

It royally sucks that there was no audio or video recording allowed and that they didn’t even provide us with transcripts because Peter was amusing. He was sweet and funny and truly entertaining. And I don’t really remember a word he said. Damn me!! BUT! I totally and completely remember the face-to-face interaction I had with him that was far better than his appearance onstage. They released us row by row for autographs and tried to keep my cool as we inched closer to Dr. Cullen. I had a glass heart paperweight that I was having signed for SisE because she couldn’t be there with me, the schlong fondler. So we finally got in the backstage area where he was set up at his little table with his little marker. I stepped up and handed him my heart (teehee!) and I noticed how tired he looked (he’d just flown in that morning from somewhere…). So I said, casual as can be, “You look tired.” And he says, “Is that just a nice way of saying I look like shit?” I laugh my charming, musical laugh and say “Of course not! You just look tired!” He smiles at me, sighs, and lifts his arms up to cross them behind his head. Yeah, he stopped signing, took a little break to talk to me and show me his amazing biceps. He told me that he was, in fact, tired but he loved meeting with fans. I said something else witty about how nice that must be and he gave me another dazzling smile and signed my heart… I mean, SisE’s heart.

It says "Renee, Eternal Love- Carlisle Cullen/PFach"

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


So after that fabulousness, I didn’t think my night would get any better. False. As friends and I were loitering in the lobby, one of them says in a stage whisper, “OMG, isn’t that Michael Welch coming down the stairs??” We all try to surreptitiously glance over to the other side of the lobby and watch as Michael does, in fact walk down the stairs. OMG is right. Not because he’s a celebrity and because he’s, like, totally been in the same room as Rob, but because dorky Mike isn’t so dorky in person. Holy shit, the blond hair is now brown and longer and stylish instead of Revenge of the Nerds. He’s super fit and showing it off in a tight, black tee and jeans that, mother of gawd, the jeans……. What?? Where was I?? Oh yeah, he walked past us and I look at the JEANS that are molded to his rear like he was born in them and I did a Bella and stopped breathing. I somehow managed to tear my eyes from his ass long enough to look at his face. Which was looking back at me. And he knew exactly what I’d been looking at. And he smirked at me. And I, being a ballsy fangirl, grinned boldly back at him. Oh yes, Michael, I like what I see. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I’m certain he would have come back to talk to/make out with/grope me, but his handlers were rushing him backstage so he could do his hosting thing. Damn.

I recovered slightly and followed the girls into the theater to take our seats for the karaoke concert. It was 9pm at this point and there were very few people actually attending this event. I could have signed up to sing, but I was being a chicken shit and did not. Mainly, I didn’t have enough alcohol, self-confidence, or best friends around to help me take the leap onto the stage. But I was more than willing to watch others and cheer them on. We were sitting there waiting for things to start when the music was cued up and out bounces Michael, hopped up on Red Bull (at the very least) and bouncing around the stage singing “Blister in the Sun.” He was like a male version of Drunk AnnaBella! I fell unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. Seems a bit heavy for a Friday night, but it is what it is.

We all sat couple rows from Michael and the action as it were. After performing his song, Michael introduced a couple more singers and sat with his rear-end facing me and I was content with that… until he came over and sat between two young girls RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I could have grabbed that tight ass if I’d wanted to, but I restrained myself. Strength of Hercules, I tell ya. I wanted a picture with him, so like a freaking ninja I stooped down in front of his back and one of my friends snapped my picture. Well, turns out I’m not a good ninja because Michael saw it and grinned at me again and gave me a fist-bump. Oh yeah, the night just kept getting better. I leaned over and asked him if he’d be at the ball the following night, he said yes, and I asked if he was going to dance with me. “Yeah, absolutely, just come and find me.” Fangirl squeeeeeeee!!

Karaoke continued, Michael returned to the stage, more singing, Peter showed up and made everyone’s night (mine had already been made). I made friends with some of the convention volunteers and had a blast dancing with them… New Friend Josh even tried on my stiletto pumps! Good times were had by all, but eventually we had to go to bed.

The next day we slept in a bit and had a late breakfast before heading back to the theater for Edi Gathegi’s appearance. Again, unfortunately there was no recording allowed which was a damn shame. Edi is one of the funniest guys ever in the world. He does a lot of hilarious impressions, too. After that was Kiowa Gordon, ya know, Embry. Um, he was… um… if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, right? He is not meant for these public appearances…
That afternoon was a photo op with Edi, Kiowa and Michael. I wanted this, and I had no intention of getting any photo ops until I saw Michael’s a—I mean, Michael. And I figured I’d get Edi, too. And that Kiowa kid. So, in preparation, I went to the body art table and got a Team Mike “tattoo” on my arm and went to stand in line for the photo op. Got in the room, went up to the guys and said to Michael “Look what I got.” He looks at my arm, says “Awwww” and gives me a huge hug. Let me just say the rest of him is as tight as his ass. *shivers* Got my totally adorable, much treasured picture.

Following that spectacular event, we grabbed dinner and then went to stand in the incredibly loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong line for Michael’s autograph. I wanted my photo signed, so I was determined to wait in that line, even though it snaked all the way around the lobby. Problem: we were in line around 7pm and the ball started at 9:30 and we had to get ready still. I waited and waited and realized that Michael is a chatter. He is super nice, which is great, but each fan wanted to talk his ear off and he was too kind to tell them to move it along. I mean, I would have gladly told those bitches to move their asses, but I think that was frowned upon. So at about 8:30, I told Amber I had to go get ready and she said she’d get the photo signed for me. Yay! So off I went! To wait for the elevator…

Problem 2: The damn hotel was way overbooked with our convention, a wedding, and some sort of Muslim leaders conference. There are three elevators and one isn’t working. I honestly waited for at least 15 minutes to go up to my room. Ran in, told my family hi, switched to my dress, curled my hair the fastest I’ve ever curled anything, re-applied my makeup and sparkled myself up before heading back to the elevator. And I waited some more… I’m standing there tapping my foot, hoping to hell that I’d make it down before Amber got to Michael with my photo, but my hopes weren’t high. It was already almost 9. Finally caught the elevator, tore out of it on the 1st floor and tried to walk/run to the autograph table. I see Amber just stepping away from Michael and I yell “WAIT!” and sprint to them. Michael gives me an appreciative look and smile and I smile back, slightly out of breath. Just made it in time to say thanks for the autograph and then some other twats stepped up and cock blocked me. Better than nothing, I guess.

After that insanity, I waited for the elevator with Amber and we went up so she could get ready. She had made a beautiful centerpiece (which ended up winning the centerpiece contest!!), but it was supposed to be in the ballroom by 9:15, so I volunteered to take it down for her. Thank goodness I did, because I got early entrance into the room and got to stroll around taking pictures before other people came in and I got to introduce myself to the DJ so I could be sure to get my requests played later. Score! Finally, the other guests filed in and I met up with my friends, got my drinks, and got my party on!

If you remember from a few paragraphs ago, I’d asked Michael for a dance. The celebrities came out, danced with the winners of the trivia contest… and then were escorted out! WTF????? They weren’t even allowed to stay! So I did not get my dance with Michael, but I did get to dance my ass off and have an excellent time with my friends FTW.

We stayed out late and then I had to go to bed and crash, exhausted. For some reason, they decided the breakfast with the stars should be at 8:30 the next morning (after an all-night ball? Really??), and I had to get up and get ready and be outside the room by 8am. Amber was there, too, and we sat at a table with a group of other awesome ladies. The celebrities there were Justin Chon, Edi Gathegi, Kiowa Gordon, and Tinsel Korey. Each celebrity was escorted to each of the tables in turn and they got about 5-10 minutes with us. Observations, despite the early hour: Justin and Edi were both hilarious and friendly, Kiowa was still awkward, and Tinsel was very sweet and said some pretty profound things. It was worth the extra money.

From there, we went down to see Justin’s appearance and then Edi’s was directly after. Eric Yorkie is one funny mother-humper, but when Edi came out on stage with him, the real laughs started. The two of them together, doing their Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan impressions almost had me falling out of my seat. If they had a comedy show, I’d pay to watch it… oh wait, I guess I kinda did. Edi signed autographs at random times throughout the weekend and I went to have a picture signed for JHB since she also didn’t go with me, the ball gargler. I told him that it was for her and that she thinks he’s hot… he signed it “I think you’re hott, too!” Love him!

After that, I could have stayed for Tinsel’s appearance, but I decided it was time to give my family some of my time and leave the Twilight behind (as if I’d ever actually leave it…), so we headed out. I told all my friends goodbye and we went back to Portsmouth, Virginia.
All in all, it was an amazing weekend and I’d gladly do it all over again. And looky here, the convention is coming to Hartford, CT this May!! How convenient, it’ll be 45 minutes from me!!!! Right now, there are a lot of wolfpack members appearing (hey, BooBoo!), but I’m praying very hard (hehe, I said hard) for a Michael, Edi and/or Justin appearance. I want to go to there. Oh, and I wouldn’t say no to more Peter or a little somethin’ somethin’ with Jackson or Kellan. A girl can TwiDream, right?

Next post will be all pics so that you can be fully inundated!